Well, Hello again! I know, I know, I've been a bad blogger. No updates in 6 weeks! Several of you folks have gently reminded me that I need to be a bit more regular in the updates; thank you for your graciousness, and for reminding me that a lot of folks care very much for us.
One of these friends (thank you Jill!) made the comment that hopefully "No news is good news?" In a real way that is true. I'm not sure what it says about my own character that I write like crazy when everything is difficult or scary, and not too much when it is smooth and comfortable, but that's the way I seem to function. Basically, we are learning a new life-pattern, a new calendar cycle.
Every six months or so, we will go to Mayo for about 4 days. Between trips, not too much will happen. Right now, we are in the calm in the cycle. We return to the storm in late May. What I expect is that we will coast along pretty well for about 4 - 4 1/2 months, half-forgetting all the great lessons we learned the last time we were in the storm. Lessons like dependency and weakness before God; humility; the willingness to receive aid and comfort from the body of Christ at work; our complete need of the Holy Spirit to guide and direct; things like that. Then, about 6 weeks before the next trip, we'll start to be re-broken before Him.
That is when the emotional aspect will kick back into the game. I suspect that Dee Dee is already beginning to think about the cancer more, to anticipate the tests and procedures, etc. As we get even closer, as we coordinate child care, time off from work, the details of the trip, I will not be surprised to see us have some emotional "bottoming out." My prayer is that it will not be accompanied by spiritual bottoming. Then, we'll go to Mayo, and the physical aspect smacks us around again. Last time, many of the tests made her quite ill, so we are already praying that she will get through them this time without such nausea and discomfort.
One of the reasons that I have not written sooner is that 4 weeks ago I had surgery on my right shoulder. I had big bone spurs, which were cutting the bursa and rotator cuff. The orthopedic surgeon (who said that I was simply getting old and wearing out!) sawed off ~ 3/4 of an inch of two bones, stripped the bursa, and repaired the rotator cuff. I go to PT (physical therapy, or pain and torture, depending on your perspective) twice a week, and they tell me the full recovery is 6-8 months. Getting old is not for the faint of heart!
We are quite busy right now, as I am sure you all are as well. Caleb made the Wake County Home School all-star varsity high school baseball team. He is a freshman, and he and his best friend Whit, also a freshman, are on this team of juniors and seniors. They play all over the place, all the time, so the Clark Suburban has been rolling up the miles! Their first tourney was in Atlanta, and they have games all over central and eastern NC, as well as another tourney in Marietta, GA and in Pensacola, FL. This has been a terrific experience for him, and we have appreciated the godly men who are coaching the team. This team finished 6th and 3rd in the last two home school World Series, so we'll see what happens this year.
My friend Reid, whose wife died suddenly, seems to be doing well. I think that he is somewhat consumed with the simple details of life, with working, parenting during a time like this, visiting with all the out-of-town family that comes to visit, etc. I appreciate your continued prayers for him and his kids.
I will try to write at least once a month for now, and obviously more as we get into the Mayo deal again in May. Thank you all for your faithful prayers, for the emails and cards, for the surprise visits. One church, which we do not attend, has faithfully sent her at least one card a week since the first diagnosis (Yay Salem!). Thank you all for this tangible expression of love. If there are ways we could pray for you, please let us know. We pray in general for you when we see the notes/etc., but would love to pray more specifically.
Blessings!
Tony
Monday, March 19, 2007
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Prayer for a friend
Dear friends,
Tonight, I have several things to thank God about. I thank Him for choosing me, apart from any merit or worth, to be His adopted child forever. I thank Christ for giving up His own rights, to secure my rights as a joint-heir. I thank Him that He blessed me with His Spirit to teach and to guide me, to comfort me when I hurt.
I thank God that despite the confusion of medical opinions, Dee Dee and I are still like-minded about going with the Mayo Clinic treatment plan of observation. I thank Him for equipping us for this time in life. I thank Him that there are mountain-tops as well as valleys.
I thank Him that Dee Dee had the opportunity to speak at a women's retreat for our church this weekend, and that I am told she was amazing. (No surprise there for me, by the way!) I know her heart's desire was to glorify God, and to edify her sisters; I thank Him that He used her for His purpose. I thank Him that "we glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:3-5) I thank Him that our trials have been with divine purpose. What comfort there is to know that our trials are intentional, and that they have purpose for good; that they are not random or outside the reach of our God. I got into a dispute with a pastor once, in front of a group of folks, because he was telling them that Gabe's illness was not from God, but from Satan. What comfort is there in a God who is not in control of the events of our life? How would that logic have been comforting to Paul, while in jail, or shipwrecked? How would it have comforted us during this illness? No, God ordained this disease, and he knows why. That is enough. This weekend, He used it as part of preparing Dee Dee to speak. Later, He will use it in other ways. I thank Him for that.
Now, I'd like to ask you all to pray for friends of ours. They have been in our small group, and tribulations are more real to them than I can truly fathom. Reid and Stephanie have 3 children, ages 6, 4, and 2. For the past couple of months, Stephanie has had chest pain, but the cardiologist said everything was fine. While driving home from the grocery store last Friday night, 4 days after her 35th birthday, Stephanie had a heart attack and died while talking to Reid on her cell phone. Now, I've had too much occasion to consider my own wife's death this past year (seizure in January, cancer this Fall), and still I really cannot comprehend all the ways to pray for my brother. He is a very solid believer, and I believe that he will persevere, develop character, and have hope. I asked him if I could recruit other prayers through the blog, to which he agreed. Please pray for the comfort of the Spirit, the love of the Father, the fellowship of Christ and His suffering to begin to heal all the hurts. Pray for those sweet little kids. Pray for our little church, and our small group, as we provide care and love. Pray for all the things that I can't even think of right now. Just pray!
Thanks everyone. I'll write again later, and give updates on Reid, as well as our next medical trips to Mayo, etc.
By the way, I'm also thankful to Him for all of you. Ya'll are a blessing.
Tony
Tonight, I have several things to thank God about. I thank Him for choosing me, apart from any merit or worth, to be His adopted child forever. I thank Christ for giving up His own rights, to secure my rights as a joint-heir. I thank Him that He blessed me with His Spirit to teach and to guide me, to comfort me when I hurt.
I thank God that despite the confusion of medical opinions, Dee Dee and I are still like-minded about going with the Mayo Clinic treatment plan of observation. I thank Him for equipping us for this time in life. I thank Him that there are mountain-tops as well as valleys.
I thank Him that Dee Dee had the opportunity to speak at a women's retreat for our church this weekend, and that I am told she was amazing. (No surprise there for me, by the way!) I know her heart's desire was to glorify God, and to edify her sisters; I thank Him that He used her for His purpose. I thank Him that "we glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:3-5) I thank Him that our trials have been with divine purpose. What comfort there is to know that our trials are intentional, and that they have purpose for good; that they are not random or outside the reach of our God. I got into a dispute with a pastor once, in front of a group of folks, because he was telling them that Gabe's illness was not from God, but from Satan. What comfort is there in a God who is not in control of the events of our life? How would that logic have been comforting to Paul, while in jail, or shipwrecked? How would it have comforted us during this illness? No, God ordained this disease, and he knows why. That is enough. This weekend, He used it as part of preparing Dee Dee to speak. Later, He will use it in other ways. I thank Him for that.
Now, I'd like to ask you all to pray for friends of ours. They have been in our small group, and tribulations are more real to them than I can truly fathom. Reid and Stephanie have 3 children, ages 6, 4, and 2. For the past couple of months, Stephanie has had chest pain, but the cardiologist said everything was fine. While driving home from the grocery store last Friday night, 4 days after her 35th birthday, Stephanie had a heart attack and died while talking to Reid on her cell phone. Now, I've had too much occasion to consider my own wife's death this past year (seizure in January, cancer this Fall), and still I really cannot comprehend all the ways to pray for my brother. He is a very solid believer, and I believe that he will persevere, develop character, and have hope. I asked him if I could recruit other prayers through the blog, to which he agreed. Please pray for the comfort of the Spirit, the love of the Father, the fellowship of Christ and His suffering to begin to heal all the hurts. Pray for those sweet little kids. Pray for our little church, and our small group, as we provide care and love. Pray for all the things that I can't even think of right now. Just pray!
Thanks everyone. I'll write again later, and give updates on Reid, as well as our next medical trips to Mayo, etc.
By the way, I'm also thankful to Him for all of you. Ya'll are a blessing.
Tony
Thursday, January 11, 2007
I guess it's not supposed to be easy, huh?
Well, I waited a long time to post again, because I felt that once we got past the business of the holidays, we would make a final decision and I could post that. Sure enough, I had opportunity to talk to the doc at MD Anderson in Houston, Dr. Yao, and he felt that observation would be perfectly acceptable. He is a leading expert on carcinoid, and he likes to use the "What makes you sleep well at night" test. In other words, if you are going to have this everyday sense of anxiety and foreboding, then do the surgery and be done with the cancer. Accept that you will have some (either a lot or a little) consequences, but rest easy because the cancer is gone. On the other hand, if you can live life without that sense of dread, then don't do the surgery.
As we finished up our conversation, he mentioned that he would like me to talk to a doc in NY named Richard Warner, who has treated as many of these as anyone in America. He said that Warner has reported anecdotal success with slowing the progression via an elaborate diet. Yao's point was that if we are going to do observation, we could easily add the diet thing to that.
As you hopefully know, Dee Dee and I are not really fearful folks, and we can sleep quite well at night (well, she can; I never sleep much anyhow) regardless of things like this. We slept well when we thought this might have already spread, and would not have been treatable. So, we decided not to do the surgery, and began making plans for our next trip to Mayo.
However, to satisfy Yao's recommendation, and my wife's love of healthy diet, I called Warner. He listened to her case data, then said, "If she were my patient, I would not try the diet. She has too many tumors, and at least one that is too big for the diet to work. I would remove the biggest tumor with wedge resection, and then do the antrectomy surgery to remove the lower 40% of her stomach. I am concerned that the one larger tumor may be self-feeding already, and not dependant upon the gastrin (hormone) that caused the tumors to form initially." While he agreed that metastasis was unlikely with gastric carcinoid, he said that in his clinic (Sinai Medical Hospital and University) he has seen it spread in 5% of cases. Honest to goodness, I nearly hung up on him as soon as he started talking, 'cause I did not want to hear what he was saying. And I didn't want to report it to Dee Dee either! Sure enough, as I walked in the door that night, she asked if I had gotten to speak with "the NY doctor."
So, the buoyancy that I had seen in Dee Dee for about a week, after we made the (we thought) final decision, has lessened. It has not vanished, but I could physically see her countenance falling as we discussed Warner's thoughts. At the least, it introduces doubt; doubt that will, I am afraid, make her less able to rest confidently in an observation approach. I still suspect that we will opt for no surgery, but we will have a period now where we wrestle with it all again. Maybe we would have had that every time we went for follow-up evaluation? I don't know. We will definitely ask our Mayo doc about these issues.
Please pray for peace. Pray for confidence. I know that God has ordained and decreed how this will turn out; I know that He loves us, and is showing that love by refining us. Pray that he would enable us to boldly live in light of that love. Pray that we/she would not get discouraged. Amazing - 5 hospitals, and at least three opinions.
Thank you all for praying so much, and so long. You all encourage us so much! If a few of you could email Dee Dee, or send a card, it would help put some wind in her sails. With me blogging less, fewer notes come in. That was actually great when we thought we were done working through things; it helped with a feeling that this chapter was closed. Now that it is at least partially re-opened, I know she'd appreciate hearing from you.
By the way, she and I had the opportunity to see the Monet in Normandy exhibit at the NC Museum of Art this afternoon. Amazing! I thank God that He gifted some, that they could put onto canvas a sense of the splendor of His creation. I felt like saying, "Amen" as I looked in wonder at the original works of Monet. I don't know if he felt like he was honoring God as he painted, but I felt like I had worshipped as I enjoyed his work. That is what art should do - reflect God's majesty and glory in creation. That's what we should do in our daily lives, because in some ways, we are the canvas that God paints upon!
God bless ya'll!
Tony
As we finished up our conversation, he mentioned that he would like me to talk to a doc in NY named Richard Warner, who has treated as many of these as anyone in America. He said that Warner has reported anecdotal success with slowing the progression via an elaborate diet. Yao's point was that if we are going to do observation, we could easily add the diet thing to that.
As you hopefully know, Dee Dee and I are not really fearful folks, and we can sleep quite well at night (well, she can; I never sleep much anyhow) regardless of things like this. We slept well when we thought this might have already spread, and would not have been treatable. So, we decided not to do the surgery, and began making plans for our next trip to Mayo.
However, to satisfy Yao's recommendation, and my wife's love of healthy diet, I called Warner. He listened to her case data, then said, "If she were my patient, I would not try the diet. She has too many tumors, and at least one that is too big for the diet to work. I would remove the biggest tumor with wedge resection, and then do the antrectomy surgery to remove the lower 40% of her stomach. I am concerned that the one larger tumor may be self-feeding already, and not dependant upon the gastrin (hormone) that caused the tumors to form initially." While he agreed that metastasis was unlikely with gastric carcinoid, he said that in his clinic (Sinai Medical Hospital and University) he has seen it spread in 5% of cases. Honest to goodness, I nearly hung up on him as soon as he started talking, 'cause I did not want to hear what he was saying. And I didn't want to report it to Dee Dee either! Sure enough, as I walked in the door that night, she asked if I had gotten to speak with "the NY doctor."
So, the buoyancy that I had seen in Dee Dee for about a week, after we made the (we thought) final decision, has lessened. It has not vanished, but I could physically see her countenance falling as we discussed Warner's thoughts. At the least, it introduces doubt; doubt that will, I am afraid, make her less able to rest confidently in an observation approach. I still suspect that we will opt for no surgery, but we will have a period now where we wrestle with it all again. Maybe we would have had that every time we went for follow-up evaluation? I don't know. We will definitely ask our Mayo doc about these issues.
Please pray for peace. Pray for confidence. I know that God has ordained and decreed how this will turn out; I know that He loves us, and is showing that love by refining us. Pray that he would enable us to boldly live in light of that love. Pray that we/she would not get discouraged. Amazing - 5 hospitals, and at least three opinions.
Thank you all for praying so much, and so long. You all encourage us so much! If a few of you could email Dee Dee, or send a card, it would help put some wind in her sails. With me blogging less, fewer notes come in. That was actually great when we thought we were done working through things; it helped with a feeling that this chapter was closed. Now that it is at least partially re-opened, I know she'd appreciate hearing from you.
By the way, she and I had the opportunity to see the Monet in Normandy exhibit at the NC Museum of Art this afternoon. Amazing! I thank God that He gifted some, that they could put onto canvas a sense of the splendor of His creation. I felt like saying, "Amen" as I looked in wonder at the original works of Monet. I don't know if he felt like he was honoring God as he painted, but I felt like I had worshipped as I enjoyed his work. That is what art should do - reflect God's majesty and glory in creation. That's what we should do in our daily lives, because in some ways, we are the canvas that God paints upon!
God bless ya'll!
Tony
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Early Christmas present
Hello All! Merry Christmas about a week early from the Clarks. I know that the posts are a bit more irregular in frequency lately, but that is simply because of two things. One, and I am sure you can all relate, it is BUSY right about now! And two, there's just not much happening medically for Dee Dee. She has mostly fully recovered from the surgery, with the exception being lingering soreness if direct pressure is applied to her left side. We cancelled one follow-up at Duke, just because there seemed no point in it until we decide what to do from a long-term, big decision standpoint.
I have spoken to the folks at Johns-Hopkins, and they affirm that both Duke and Mayo are logically, medically reasonable in their advice. Duke's surgical answer guarantees no cancer but lingering "yuckiness" (a highly sophisticated medical term, by the way); Mayo's means some long-term risk from leaving over twenty tumors in your stomach on purpose, but is reasonably safe with no yuckiness. Johns-Hopkins says that both make sense, and that neither clinic is giving strange advice. I have had one conversation with the doc at MD Anderson in Houston, Dr. James Yao, who is recognized as one of the nation's leading researchers for carcinoid cancer. He also says that sometimes they do the surgery, and sometimes not. He, too, says that both answers are valid. He is debating the need to see Dee Dee, versus just looking at her info and talking to me on the phone. We are leaning more and more toward the Mayo approach of life-long surveillance, probably twice a year for now, once a year down the road. We would do this at Mayo, simply because they are the ones who most earnestly believe it to be appropriate (my decision on that part of the plan).
Now on to the really important stuff. Today was one of the best days in our young church's life. We are less than nine years old, less than 150 people, and just a great community of members. We have this one family, fantastic couple with two girls. The dad, at age 40, became a Christian yesterday! Lots of cheers and tears in Ambassador Presbyterian today, and I am sure for a long time to come. He has loved his wife by attending faithfully with her all these years, as a show of support and respect. She has personified 1 Peter 3, by being a steadfast and godly wife, making the gospel attractive to her husband. PRAISE OUR GOD for His sovereign plan, for His choosing this man to reign in glory, for electing to save another who, like me, did not deserve it. PRAISE OUR GOD that none of us get what we deserve, that none of us can do anything worthy of His approval, but that we can be adopted by the King of all glory to be sons and daughters, full of His grace and receiving His mercy. Let us join with the angels, who are rejoicing for my friend tonight.
Well, there is nothing else that I can write about that warrants inclusion with a sinner being saved, so I'm gonna go to bed now. Take a moment to pray for that friend or family member who you used to pray for regularly, but time has dulled your sense of urgency. You know, that person who seems like a lost cause, that if you really could be honest with yourself, you're not even sure God can save, or wants to save. Time is nothing to our God; and His grace is irresistible. (And all my reformed brothers said, "Amen!")
Love, thanks, and prayers,
Tony
I have spoken to the folks at Johns-Hopkins, and they affirm that both Duke and Mayo are logically, medically reasonable in their advice. Duke's surgical answer guarantees no cancer but lingering "yuckiness" (a highly sophisticated medical term, by the way); Mayo's means some long-term risk from leaving over twenty tumors in your stomach on purpose, but is reasonably safe with no yuckiness. Johns-Hopkins says that both make sense, and that neither clinic is giving strange advice. I have had one conversation with the doc at MD Anderson in Houston, Dr. James Yao, who is recognized as one of the nation's leading researchers for carcinoid cancer. He also says that sometimes they do the surgery, and sometimes not. He, too, says that both answers are valid. He is debating the need to see Dee Dee, versus just looking at her info and talking to me on the phone. We are leaning more and more toward the Mayo approach of life-long surveillance, probably twice a year for now, once a year down the road. We would do this at Mayo, simply because they are the ones who most earnestly believe it to be appropriate (my decision on that part of the plan).
Now on to the really important stuff. Today was one of the best days in our young church's life. We are less than nine years old, less than 150 people, and just a great community of members. We have this one family, fantastic couple with two girls. The dad, at age 40, became a Christian yesterday! Lots of cheers and tears in Ambassador Presbyterian today, and I am sure for a long time to come. He has loved his wife by attending faithfully with her all these years, as a show of support and respect. She has personified 1 Peter 3, by being a steadfast and godly wife, making the gospel attractive to her husband. PRAISE OUR GOD for His sovereign plan, for His choosing this man to reign in glory, for electing to save another who, like me, did not deserve it. PRAISE OUR GOD that none of us get what we deserve, that none of us can do anything worthy of His approval, but that we can be adopted by the King of all glory to be sons and daughters, full of His grace and receiving His mercy. Let us join with the angels, who are rejoicing for my friend tonight.
Well, there is nothing else that I can write about that warrants inclusion with a sinner being saved, so I'm gonna go to bed now. Take a moment to pray for that friend or family member who you used to pray for regularly, but time has dulled your sense of urgency. You know, that person who seems like a lost cause, that if you really could be honest with yourself, you're not even sure God can save, or wants to save. Time is nothing to our God; and His grace is irresistible. (And all my reformed brothers said, "Amen!")
Love, thanks, and prayers,
Tony
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Now that we've calmed down....
Okay, yesterday was no fun. The results were good (the scan showed no new tumors, and the areas of concern were deemed "okay."). For that, we are very thankful. Now to the frustration.
It took a great deal of effort and aggravation to even get yesterday's test scheduled, because Duke insisted that once you have had a doctor do any type of "scope" procedure, no one but that doctor could ever do another scope. So, we had to coordinate her test yesterday with the doc who did her first scan at Duke, and that was tough. Finally, we got that scheduled, nearly three weeks after the initial order for the test (lots of other openings were available sooner, just not with her assigned doc). Then, we had to get the consultation with Dr. Bendell scheduled for after the scan; this was finally set up for Monday, 12/04.
We get to the pre-op area for prepping Dee Dee for the scan, and sure enough, her doc is NOT even in town. Instead, the doc is someone we could have had do the procedure two weeks ago. We maintained a sense of humor, and let it go. The procedure lasted about 50 minutes. Normally, the patient is sedated at the beginning, and wakes up after it is all over. They have a scope down the throat, into the stomach, and this scope is pretty large in diameter. Well, they did not give Dee Dee enough sedation, and she kept waking up during the procedure. She would try to tell them she needed more meds, and they just told her to be still, or to be patient, they were almost done, yada yada yada.
This started shortly after they started the procedure, and it hurt basically the whole time. When they got me to her after it was over, I thought I was going to have to restrain her she was so upset. The doc came and apologized, but that did not erase a pretty bad afternoon. Her throat was very sore the rest of the day yesterday, but today has just been "not normal."
Okay, the venting is over. We are very pleased at the results of the test, even if the test itself was tough. I already emailed the doc at Mayo, and he responded that this is further proof to him that we should not do the stomach surgery. At the very least, we are sure that we will not have any further procedures at Duke. The last 2-3 experiences have been....well, bad. From a scheduling standpoint, from a compassion standpoint, from a pain standpoint, they've just been bad. It seems as if in their desire to practice great medicine, they forgot to practice preat patient care. There's more involved than just the stomach; there is a whole person attached to that stomach! In their zeal to do surgery on her stomach, it feels to us as if they have forgotton to care for the woman. Oops, I think I vented some more!
Thank you all for praying about yesterday. The results were good, and we are grateful for that. Pray that we don't smack anyone at the last appointment on Monday. Also, we are going to at least talk to the folks at MD Anderson (a great cancer clinic in Houston); not sure yet if we are going to go for official consult, but may just talk to them about their philosophical approach to this condition. Pray that we would be wise about that as well, and that the path to doing either of those courses of action would be smooth.
This is Saturday night, so I pray that you have a blessed Lord's Day tomorrow.
It took a great deal of effort and aggravation to even get yesterday's test scheduled, because Duke insisted that once you have had a doctor do any type of "scope" procedure, no one but that doctor could ever do another scope. So, we had to coordinate her test yesterday with the doc who did her first scan at Duke, and that was tough. Finally, we got that scheduled, nearly three weeks after the initial order for the test (lots of other openings were available sooner, just not with her assigned doc). Then, we had to get the consultation with Dr. Bendell scheduled for after the scan; this was finally set up for Monday, 12/04.
We get to the pre-op area for prepping Dee Dee for the scan, and sure enough, her doc is NOT even in town. Instead, the doc is someone we could have had do the procedure two weeks ago. We maintained a sense of humor, and let it go. The procedure lasted about 50 minutes. Normally, the patient is sedated at the beginning, and wakes up after it is all over. They have a scope down the throat, into the stomach, and this scope is pretty large in diameter. Well, they did not give Dee Dee enough sedation, and she kept waking up during the procedure. She would try to tell them she needed more meds, and they just told her to be still, or to be patient, they were almost done, yada yada yada.
This started shortly after they started the procedure, and it hurt basically the whole time. When they got me to her after it was over, I thought I was going to have to restrain her she was so upset. The doc came and apologized, but that did not erase a pretty bad afternoon. Her throat was very sore the rest of the day yesterday, but today has just been "not normal."
Okay, the venting is over. We are very pleased at the results of the test, even if the test itself was tough. I already emailed the doc at Mayo, and he responded that this is further proof to him that we should not do the stomach surgery. At the very least, we are sure that we will not have any further procedures at Duke. The last 2-3 experiences have been....well, bad. From a scheduling standpoint, from a compassion standpoint, from a pain standpoint, they've just been bad. It seems as if in their desire to practice great medicine, they forgot to practice preat patient care. There's more involved than just the stomach; there is a whole person attached to that stomach! In their zeal to do surgery on her stomach, it feels to us as if they have forgotton to care for the woman. Oops, I think I vented some more!
Thank you all for praying about yesterday. The results were good, and we are grateful for that. Pray that we don't smack anyone at the last appointment on Monday. Also, we are going to at least talk to the folks at MD Anderson (a great cancer clinic in Houston); not sure yet if we are going to go for official consult, but may just talk to them about their philosophical approach to this condition. Pray that we would be wise about that as well, and that the path to doing either of those courses of action would be smooth.
This is Saturday night, so I pray that you have a blessed Lord's Day tomorrow.
Immortal, Invisible, God Only Wise
1. Immortal, invisible, God only wise,
In light inaccessible hid from our eyes,
Most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,
Almighty, victorious, Thy great name we praise.
2. Unresting, unhasting, and silent as light,
Nor wanting, nor wasting, Thou rulest in might;
Thy justice, like mountains, high soaring above
Thy clouds, which are fountains of goodness and love.
3. To all, life Thou givest, to both great and small;
In all life Thou livest, the true life of all;
We blossom and flourish as leaves on the tree,
And wither and perish - but naught changeth Thee.
4. Great Father of glory, pure Father of light,
Thine angels adore Thee, all veiling their sight;
All praise we would render; O help us to see
’Tis only the splendor of light hideth Thee!
Friday, November 24, 2006
Thanks-giving
Gobble Gobble! I finally remembered where our blog was, so I'm here to "post" again. Actually, I've just been slack/busy/waiting for new developments. There is still not much news to report, but I wanted to share a few things we are thankful for, as well as a brief medical update (which is at the end). I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. How about you folks overseas? Did you do the whole Thanksgiving occasion?
Dee Dee and I have been married for almost twenty years. I am thankful for a godly wife, who loves our Lord, trusts His word, and lives it daily. I am thankful that she is still so good-looking, and that she somehow still thinks I'm okay as well. We are thankful for six great kids. Caleb turns 15 in a couple of days! They are all healthy and well, and we usually want to keep them (grin). We are thankful for a church where God's word is faithfully taught, where the people truly care for one another, and where our gifts are given opportunity to be used. We are thankful for extended family, that despite the normal peaks and valleys of lifelong relationships, are still strong, and in many ways more enjoyable than ever. We are thankful for many friends, who care enough to read stuff like this, to write, to pray, to cook, to love us after the manner of Christ, with grace and mercy. We are thankful for a great practice, with an understanding partner and his wife who care for us as we go through this; and with amazing patients who not only understand when I have to cancel, but many of whom are reading this blog and praying for us as well. We are above all, thankful for a God who is alive and well, active and strong; who is trustworthy; who is faithful to forgive; who never forsakes us even when we turn from him to chase our own idols.
We can just look back and see His providence and protection in so many ways! For example, God used Julius Erving (the basketball player) and J.I. Packer (the theologian) to bring Dee Dee and I together. Amazing! The list of health care issues that we have been through, and delivered from, is surprisingly long. It would take far too long to record them all, and to be honest I started to write some of them, but it just felt wrong. Suffice it to say, we have often been on the receiving end of the medical field!
On to the medicine. Dee Dee has the endoscopic ultrasound scheduled at Duke for this coming Friday, 12/01. Just getting this thing scheduled has been a royal pain, but it is finally almost here. She then has follow-up with Dr. Bendell on Monday the 4th. At that point, there will be no more medical testing or investigating to do; we will have all the information. It will only remain for us to decide. Neither of us wants her to have the stomach surgery, but we will if she needs it. The medical and scientific arguments espoused by both camps (Duke - do surgery; Mayo - no surgery) make remarkable sense.
Mayo says the cancer will never leave her stomach, and will never shorten her life. It will significantly inconvenience her life, but that is all. Duke says that may be true, and the science makes sense, but no one can guarantee that it will not spread. If Dee Dee is that ultra-rare patient (that Mayo says does not exist), then we will regret the decision not to do surgery. Once it has spread to another organ, it is treatable, but not curable. If we do the stomach surgery, then all agree it will be permanently cured. As Dee Dee puts it, Duke is "selling" life insurance.
However, the premium for this insurance is awfully high. Her weight would immediately drop to 90 pounds or less. She may need to be tube-fed for a period of weeks. It could take as much as a year for her weight to recover. It would take about the same length of time for her energy and strength to recover. She would run the risk of significant bone-density problems as a senior citizen because of the extended time of weight loss. It would make the normal living of life for her difficult for a season (homeschooling, teaching, mentoring, etc.). This is all separate from the other issue, the potential for the lifelong digestive problems. So again, we'll do it if she needs it, but man she really needs to need it! I don't think we will do it just out of fear, or from a sense of "What if...."
Certainly, we will not do surgery without another institution concurring with Duke. I have already talked a fair bit with Johns-Hopkins, and they approach this condition from a team format. One doc gathers all the info, then presents the case to an oncology board. They discuss it for an hour or two, then vote. Majority wins. Bottom line, they go about 60% of patients with surgery, and about 40% surveillance; a poor tie-breaker. Sloan-Kettering is very difficult, and will not talk with me on the phone. So, if we decide to go for another opinion, it will be to M.D. Anderson in Houston, TX. This is a great cancer clinic, and is the one our Aunt Jackie received care from during her battle with terminal cancer. We have not decided yet whether to go for another opinion or not. On many of the issues we have faced, I have decided for her/us. This issue is really one that gets to Dee Dee's peace of mind, so I am following her on this one.
Thank you all for persevering in prayer on our behalf. I'll try to write more regularly. Ya'll are great, and I thank God for each of you!
Tony
Oh, also I thank God for turkey and for oyster dressing. And for pecan pie. And naps. He didn't have to let us have any of those, ya know?
Dee Dee and I have been married for almost twenty years. I am thankful for a godly wife, who loves our Lord, trusts His word, and lives it daily. I am thankful that she is still so good-looking, and that she somehow still thinks I'm okay as well. We are thankful for six great kids. Caleb turns 15 in a couple of days! They are all healthy and well, and we usually want to keep them (grin). We are thankful for a church where God's word is faithfully taught, where the people truly care for one another, and where our gifts are given opportunity to be used. We are thankful for extended family, that despite the normal peaks and valleys of lifelong relationships, are still strong, and in many ways more enjoyable than ever. We are thankful for many friends, who care enough to read stuff like this, to write, to pray, to cook, to love us after the manner of Christ, with grace and mercy. We are thankful for a great practice, with an understanding partner and his wife who care for us as we go through this; and with amazing patients who not only understand when I have to cancel, but many of whom are reading this blog and praying for us as well. We are above all, thankful for a God who is alive and well, active and strong; who is trustworthy; who is faithful to forgive; who never forsakes us even when we turn from him to chase our own idols.
We can just look back and see His providence and protection in so many ways! For example, God used Julius Erving (the basketball player) and J.I. Packer (the theologian) to bring Dee Dee and I together. Amazing! The list of health care issues that we have been through, and delivered from, is surprisingly long. It would take far too long to record them all, and to be honest I started to write some of them, but it just felt wrong. Suffice it to say, we have often been on the receiving end of the medical field!
On to the medicine. Dee Dee has the endoscopic ultrasound scheduled at Duke for this coming Friday, 12/01. Just getting this thing scheduled has been a royal pain, but it is finally almost here. She then has follow-up with Dr. Bendell on Monday the 4th. At that point, there will be no more medical testing or investigating to do; we will have all the information. It will only remain for us to decide. Neither of us wants her to have the stomach surgery, but we will if she needs it. The medical and scientific arguments espoused by both camps (Duke - do surgery; Mayo - no surgery) make remarkable sense.
Mayo says the cancer will never leave her stomach, and will never shorten her life. It will significantly inconvenience her life, but that is all. Duke says that may be true, and the science makes sense, but no one can guarantee that it will not spread. If Dee Dee is that ultra-rare patient (that Mayo says does not exist), then we will regret the decision not to do surgery. Once it has spread to another organ, it is treatable, but not curable. If we do the stomach surgery, then all agree it will be permanently cured. As Dee Dee puts it, Duke is "selling" life insurance.
However, the premium for this insurance is awfully high. Her weight would immediately drop to 90 pounds or less. She may need to be tube-fed for a period of weeks. It could take as much as a year for her weight to recover. It would take about the same length of time for her energy and strength to recover. She would run the risk of significant bone-density problems as a senior citizen because of the extended time of weight loss. It would make the normal living of life for her difficult for a season (homeschooling, teaching, mentoring, etc.). This is all separate from the other issue, the potential for the lifelong digestive problems. So again, we'll do it if she needs it, but man she really needs to need it! I don't think we will do it just out of fear, or from a sense of "What if...."
Certainly, we will not do surgery without another institution concurring with Duke. I have already talked a fair bit with Johns-Hopkins, and they approach this condition from a team format. One doc gathers all the info, then presents the case to an oncology board. They discuss it for an hour or two, then vote. Majority wins. Bottom line, they go about 60% of patients with surgery, and about 40% surveillance; a poor tie-breaker. Sloan-Kettering is very difficult, and will not talk with me on the phone. So, if we decide to go for another opinion, it will be to M.D. Anderson in Houston, TX. This is a great cancer clinic, and is the one our Aunt Jackie received care from during her battle with terminal cancer. We have not decided yet whether to go for another opinion or not. On many of the issues we have faced, I have decided for her/us. This issue is really one that gets to Dee Dee's peace of mind, so I am following her on this one.
Thank you all for persevering in prayer on our behalf. I'll try to write more regularly. Ya'll are great, and I thank God for each of you!
Tony
Oh, also I thank God for turkey and for oyster dressing. And for pecan pie. And naps. He didn't have to let us have any of those, ya know?
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Wisdom
Psalm 111:10 - "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all those who
practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever!"
It seemed appropriate to start tonight's post with the topic of wisdom, because we sorely need it. Our appointment today with Dr. Bendell went fine, and we liked her well enough. She was very encouraging about the lymph node results, which actually weren't really even lymph in origin. She was encouraging that the long-term prognosis is very good. She was emphatic that the correct course of therapy is to do the stomach surgery to remove the antrum of the stomach.
Ugh.
(Heavy sigh)
So now we come to it, to the deciding point. Mayo says do not, under any circumstances, take out her antrum. In fact, I got an email from the doctor at Mayo last night reiterating that point (Dr. Thompson). The science behind this approach makes wonderful sense to the medical side of both of us. The desire to avoid major surgery, with a 6-9 month recovery, is obviously attractive. The avoidance of the risk of permanent side effects in her digestive system would be great.
At Duke, every doctor, physician's assistant, and nurse practitioner have all said to do the surgery. No exceptions. They have stopped just short of calling Mayo's "Surveillance Therapy" approach ridiculous and irresponsible, but they've come close. (Mayo, on the other hand, essentially called Duke's surgery approach barbaric and uneducated.) The reasoning behind Duke's approach is a bit more philosophical, and unfortunately for us, the folks who ultimately have to make this decision, it also makes absolutely perfect sense. Their reasoning is that she has cancer; it is confined to one location. If we do this surgery, the risk of further complications or spread are permanently eliminated. It is gone, won't come back, completely finished. She never worries about it again.
Also, and this is a part of medicine today, I am sure that everyone at Duke knows that if they recommend the surgery, there is no risk of me coming back 5-10 years from now with a team of lawyers because they failed to act and prevent the early death of my wife. If they go with surveillance, they are convinced that there is some risk of shortened life; why would we chance it, and why would they risk it legally? I just know that is part of their thinking.
Duke agrees that the risk of metastasis is very low, but refuses to say impossible. Mayo says they "think" it is impossible. Dr. Bendell said that if Dee Dee were 72, she would say not to do the surgery. But as young as Dee Dee is, it just doesn't make sense to leave the cancer inside her body when you have a guaranteed way to get it out forever, according to Dr. Bendell. By the way, Bendell is probably in her mid-thirties, female, and fairly thin (not as thin as Dee Dee, but slim). So, she fits the profile for higher risk of post-operative complications that Dee Dee would be at risk for. When asked today what she would do, Dr. Bendell did not hesitate: "I would have the surgery as soon as possible, and be done with it."
We told Dr. Bendell that we would take everything under advisement, but there was no way we were deciding this thing today. We got (more!) bloodwork done today - seven vials worth. They are scheduling the last study they want to do (Mayo agrees), an endoscopy with ultasound of the possible sub-surface tumors in the stomach. Then, we will talk a lot, pray even more, and decide what to do. Obviously, we don't get to simply refuse to decide; that then would be the decision to simply observe. We discussed, briefly, getting yet another opinion (from either Johns Hopkins or from MD Anderson in Houston); but to be honest, starting over at another center made us both feel a bit nauseous. We may revisit that idea later.
By the way, if we go with Mayo's approach, basically for the next several years Dee Dee would get endoscopy 3-4 times a year, CAT scan once a year, PET scan once a year, and octreatide once a year. After that, they would try to spread things out, assuming everything was holding stable. If the lesions grow in size or number, there is increased risk of internal bleeding. If they metastasize, there is risk of shortened life span. Obviously we can come back and do the surgery later, but with any cancer there is a "too late," although evidently that is a low (Duke) to no (Mayo) risk here. If we do the surgery, the cancer risk is gone, but there is between a 5% risk of the permanent digestive problems (per the surgeon, Dr. Pappas), to a 15% risk (per Bendell), to a 50% or greater risk (everyone at Mayo).
So we pray for wisdom. I pray for the courage to be a godly husband and lead my wife even in the scary times and the scary decisions. The Bible says that fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Proverbs 8:13 - "The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate." So, I pray that we would fear God more, in the correct and proper way. I pray that our reverence and awe and humility before His perfection and holiness would grow. I pray that we would be more convicted of our sinful nature, and of our specific sins, in light of His holiness. This is proper fear of God. And this will lead to greater wisdom. It is a mathematical certainty. Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
People ask me if we want to flee, to just get away from this. No! I didn't ask for it, but I have asked God to take it from us. And He has repeatedly said, "NO." His answer, given that He has promised to only do good for us, is good enough. I will not deliberately try to avoid His plan. And by the way, I am not nearly brave enough, or good enough, on my own to stand up to this. It is Christ in me, it is the Holy Spirit comforting me, that enables me to talk about this candidly, to face it daily with sanity and some humor. Our younger kids sing, "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do." And while that does mean that He could take the cancer away, it seems in our case to mean that He can empower us to live as if Scripture is true, even when life circumstances turn scary and sad and hard.
That's really all I/we are doing: living daily as if the Bible is actually true. After all, we're Christians; shouldn't we live this way?
Tony
Proverbs 2:6-7 - "For the LORD gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding; He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity"
Proverbs 8:14 - "I have counsel and sound wisdom; I have insight; I have strength."
practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever!"
It seemed appropriate to start tonight's post with the topic of wisdom, because we sorely need it. Our appointment today with Dr. Bendell went fine, and we liked her well enough. She was very encouraging about the lymph node results, which actually weren't really even lymph in origin. She was encouraging that the long-term prognosis is very good. She was emphatic that the correct course of therapy is to do the stomach surgery to remove the antrum of the stomach.
Ugh.
(Heavy sigh)
So now we come to it, to the deciding point. Mayo says do not, under any circumstances, take out her antrum. In fact, I got an email from the doctor at Mayo last night reiterating that point (Dr. Thompson). The science behind this approach makes wonderful sense to the medical side of both of us. The desire to avoid major surgery, with a 6-9 month recovery, is obviously attractive. The avoidance of the risk of permanent side effects in her digestive system would be great.
At Duke, every doctor, physician's assistant, and nurse practitioner have all said to do the surgery. No exceptions. They have stopped just short of calling Mayo's "Surveillance Therapy" approach ridiculous and irresponsible, but they've come close. (Mayo, on the other hand, essentially called Duke's surgery approach barbaric and uneducated.) The reasoning behind Duke's approach is a bit more philosophical, and unfortunately for us, the folks who ultimately have to make this decision, it also makes absolutely perfect sense. Their reasoning is that she has cancer; it is confined to one location. If we do this surgery, the risk of further complications or spread are permanently eliminated. It is gone, won't come back, completely finished. She never worries about it again.
Also, and this is a part of medicine today, I am sure that everyone at Duke knows that if they recommend the surgery, there is no risk of me coming back 5-10 years from now with a team of lawyers because they failed to act and prevent the early death of my wife. If they go with surveillance, they are convinced that there is some risk of shortened life; why would we chance it, and why would they risk it legally? I just know that is part of their thinking.
Duke agrees that the risk of metastasis is very low, but refuses to say impossible. Mayo says they "think" it is impossible. Dr. Bendell said that if Dee Dee were 72, she would say not to do the surgery. But as young as Dee Dee is, it just doesn't make sense to leave the cancer inside her body when you have a guaranteed way to get it out forever, according to Dr. Bendell. By the way, Bendell is probably in her mid-thirties, female, and fairly thin (not as thin as Dee Dee, but slim). So, she fits the profile for higher risk of post-operative complications that Dee Dee would be at risk for. When asked today what she would do, Dr. Bendell did not hesitate: "I would have the surgery as soon as possible, and be done with it."
We told Dr. Bendell that we would take everything under advisement, but there was no way we were deciding this thing today. We got (more!) bloodwork done today - seven vials worth. They are scheduling the last study they want to do (Mayo agrees), an endoscopy with ultasound of the possible sub-surface tumors in the stomach. Then, we will talk a lot, pray even more, and decide what to do. Obviously, we don't get to simply refuse to decide; that then would be the decision to simply observe. We discussed, briefly, getting yet another opinion (from either Johns Hopkins or from MD Anderson in Houston); but to be honest, starting over at another center made us both feel a bit nauseous. We may revisit that idea later.
By the way, if we go with Mayo's approach, basically for the next several years Dee Dee would get endoscopy 3-4 times a year, CAT scan once a year, PET scan once a year, and octreatide once a year. After that, they would try to spread things out, assuming everything was holding stable. If the lesions grow in size or number, there is increased risk of internal bleeding. If they metastasize, there is risk of shortened life span. Obviously we can come back and do the surgery later, but with any cancer there is a "too late," although evidently that is a low (Duke) to no (Mayo) risk here. If we do the surgery, the cancer risk is gone, but there is between a 5% risk of the permanent digestive problems (per the surgeon, Dr. Pappas), to a 15% risk (per Bendell), to a 50% or greater risk (everyone at Mayo).
So we pray for wisdom. I pray for the courage to be a godly husband and lead my wife even in the scary times and the scary decisions. The Bible says that fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Proverbs 8:13 - "The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate." So, I pray that we would fear God more, in the correct and proper way. I pray that our reverence and awe and humility before His perfection and holiness would grow. I pray that we would be more convicted of our sinful nature, and of our specific sins, in light of His holiness. This is proper fear of God. And this will lead to greater wisdom. It is a mathematical certainty. Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
People ask me if we want to flee, to just get away from this. No! I didn't ask for it, but I have asked God to take it from us. And He has repeatedly said, "NO." His answer, given that He has promised to only do good for us, is good enough. I will not deliberately try to avoid His plan. And by the way, I am not nearly brave enough, or good enough, on my own to stand up to this. It is Christ in me, it is the Holy Spirit comforting me, that enables me to talk about this candidly, to face it daily with sanity and some humor. Our younger kids sing, "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do." And while that does mean that He could take the cancer away, it seems in our case to mean that He can empower us to live as if Scripture is true, even when life circumstances turn scary and sad and hard.
That's really all I/we are doing: living daily as if the Bible is actually true. After all, we're Christians; shouldn't we live this way?
Tony
Proverbs 2:6-7 - "For the LORD gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding; He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity"
Proverbs 8:14 - "I have counsel and sound wisdom; I have insight; I have strength."
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Final report on the "Lymph"
We had our appointment today with the thoracic folks at Duke. Basically, all GOOD NEWS! They said that she is healing as expected, and that her incisions are great. The pain, and more recent addition of significant burning, are normal and will pass over the next two-three weeks. The doctor said that you can tell a great deal about a person's overall health by how they do while under general anesthesia, and that Dee Dee is "the very picture of excellent cardiovascular health." One of the anesthesia docs commented that he needed to get on "whatever workout program this lady is on." That's my bride!
And best of all, the lymph was actually more of a blood vessel problem, totally benign, unrelated to the stomach in any sense of the word. It was large enough that they are glad to have it out, but suspect that it had been there for years. Amazing! The thymus gland was partially involved, and they removed part of it, but that, too, is no big deal. The thymus is hugely critical in developing immunities during the first decade of life, but by age twenty it begins to atrophy, and by now is mostly inert tissue. It has done its job, so it basically goes away over time. Again, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. If Darwin himself could see the human body with the level of medical and scientific knowledge that we have today, he would scoff at his own theory.
Thanks for continued praying, and meals, and notes and cards. She has never been a big fan of spending time on the phone, but she's even up for more calls and visits now. Thanks for your continued efforts to encourage her, and me, and all us Clarks!
Tony
And best of all, the lymph was actually more of a blood vessel problem, totally benign, unrelated to the stomach in any sense of the word. It was large enough that they are glad to have it out, but suspect that it had been there for years. Amazing! The thymus gland was partially involved, and they removed part of it, but that, too, is no big deal. The thymus is hugely critical in developing immunities during the first decade of life, but by age twenty it begins to atrophy, and by now is mostly inert tissue. It has done its job, so it basically goes away over time. Again, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. If Darwin himself could see the human body with the level of medical and scientific knowledge that we have today, he would scoff at his own theory.
Thanks for continued praying, and meals, and notes and cards. She has never been a big fan of spending time on the phone, but she's even up for more calls and visits now. Thanks for your continued efforts to encourage her, and me, and all us Clarks!
Tony
Monday, November 06, 2006
One week post-op
Greetings! I know it has been a while since my last post, but that's simply because not much has changed. Basically, this has been a much more painful and slow surgery to recover from than we had anticipated, but she is getting better. Yesterday, for example, she had to leave church early because it just hurt too much to stay.
However, she is clearly better now than she was 2-3 days ago. That is how we have realized that we must think of this process: looking at several days for progress, not daily progress. This is not easy for two sinfully self-sufficient, strong "type A's" to readily accept. We are sort of wired to look at the new morning and compare it to last night. Or, for me to get home from work and want to know how much better she is than that morning. So, it seems, God intends to teach us patience through this process, among other things.
When Gabe was sick, exactly ten years ago, I remember saying that there are times that God shapes his children gently, with very fine sandpaper. There are other times that he is a sculptor, using chisels to knock off great pieces of sin. This is a new time of sculpting for us, and self-sufficiency and patience are two of the chunks getting leveled! Maybe if we'd learned those lessons well enough last time....
Now, I'm not saying that God has sent Dee Dee's cancer purely as discipline. He may very well have sent it simply to refine us, to strengthen our faith. However, His word is clear that he will also correct His children when they are in sinful patterns that they seem unaware of, or unwilling to repent of. Therefore, we would be remiss not to do some introspective soul-searching any time difficulties are sent our way. All opportunities to learn more of our sin, of our need for a savior, should be welcomed and vigorously pursued. This is one of those times, when we are driven back to Christ. We should be thankful when God, in His love and grace, works to get us back to the cross! This is the concept we see in so many Psalms, where He searches our hearts (Psalms 4:4, 7:9, 139:1, 139:23).
Some good news: the preliminary pathology results for the mass removed last week are that it is benign, and unrelated to the stomach cancer. We should get final results tomorrow at her appointment at Duke. So, the surgery was able to be done locally (not at Mayo); in the least invasive manner possible (no broken ribs or sternum sawed in half); with what appears to be the best pathology result possible. Praise God! The pain can wear your body down, but our hearts rejoice in the goodness of God.
Our upcoming schedule looks like surgery follow-up on Wednesday; and first official appointment with the medical GI oncologist at Duke on Thursday. She, we assume, will then schedule the remaining test to look at the sub-surface lesions in the stomach that were seen at Mayo, and then we will decide on further treatment.
I was thinking, how things that you would not really expect to minister to you during troubling times, actually end up being part of the key ways you are blessed. Now, I know you all will laugh at this, and say to yourselves that every Clark male would say the same thing, but food really has been that for us. Many have brought food, both for lunches and dinners. Thank you all! We know some very good cooks! It has been a blessing not to need to figure out menus, try to get them prepared, or just constantly go for take out. Thank you.
Another unexpected blessing: When Gabe was ill, one of our dear friends really ministered to our hearts regularly. Doug and Susie then moved to Oklahoma (proving the depravity of man and that all sin and fall short!), and we have missed them ever since. As we have gone through this, I have missed Doug. I have missed his laugh, his genuine affection, and his ability to quickly connect to my own emotional state. Sunday afternoon, I got a call from this dear man telling me that he would be in my house in about 2 hours. What a treat! He was just in for a brief trip, knew of our situation, and came to spend a few minutes with us. It reminded me of .... the last time I approached this level of hurt/pain/ fear/helplessness, and how God used this brother to minister comfort and peace. In Is. 61, He promises to bring beauty from ashes; isn't it great when He let's us be a part of that process?
Tony
However, she is clearly better now than she was 2-3 days ago. That is how we have realized that we must think of this process: looking at several days for progress, not daily progress. This is not easy for two sinfully self-sufficient, strong "type A's" to readily accept. We are sort of wired to look at the new morning and compare it to last night. Or, for me to get home from work and want to know how much better she is than that morning. So, it seems, God intends to teach us patience through this process, among other things.
When Gabe was sick, exactly ten years ago, I remember saying that there are times that God shapes his children gently, with very fine sandpaper. There are other times that he is a sculptor, using chisels to knock off great pieces of sin. This is a new time of sculpting for us, and self-sufficiency and patience are two of the chunks getting leveled! Maybe if we'd learned those lessons well enough last time....
Now, I'm not saying that God has sent Dee Dee's cancer purely as discipline. He may very well have sent it simply to refine us, to strengthen our faith. However, His word is clear that he will also correct His children when they are in sinful patterns that they seem unaware of, or unwilling to repent of. Therefore, we would be remiss not to do some introspective soul-searching any time difficulties are sent our way. All opportunities to learn more of our sin, of our need for a savior, should be welcomed and vigorously pursued. This is one of those times, when we are driven back to Christ. We should be thankful when God, in His love and grace, works to get us back to the cross! This is the concept we see in so many Psalms, where He searches our hearts (Psalms 4:4, 7:9, 139:1, 139:23).
Some good news: the preliminary pathology results for the mass removed last week are that it is benign, and unrelated to the stomach cancer. We should get final results tomorrow at her appointment at Duke. So, the surgery was able to be done locally (not at Mayo); in the least invasive manner possible (no broken ribs or sternum sawed in half); with what appears to be the best pathology result possible. Praise God! The pain can wear your body down, but our hearts rejoice in the goodness of God.
Our upcoming schedule looks like surgery follow-up on Wednesday; and first official appointment with the medical GI oncologist at Duke on Thursday. She, we assume, will then schedule the remaining test to look at the sub-surface lesions in the stomach that were seen at Mayo, and then we will decide on further treatment.
I was thinking, how things that you would not really expect to minister to you during troubling times, actually end up being part of the key ways you are blessed. Now, I know you all will laugh at this, and say to yourselves that every Clark male would say the same thing, but food really has been that for us. Many have brought food, both for lunches and dinners. Thank you all! We know some very good cooks! It has been a blessing not to need to figure out menus, try to get them prepared, or just constantly go for take out. Thank you.
Another unexpected blessing: When Gabe was ill, one of our dear friends really ministered to our hearts regularly. Doug and Susie then moved to Oklahoma (proving the depravity of man and that all sin and fall short!), and we have missed them ever since. As we have gone through this, I have missed Doug. I have missed his laugh, his genuine affection, and his ability to quickly connect to my own emotional state. Sunday afternoon, I got a call from this dear man telling me that he would be in my house in about 2 hours. What a treat! He was just in for a brief trip, knew of our situation, and came to spend a few minutes with us. It reminded me of .... the last time I approached this level of hurt/pain/ fear/helplessness, and how God used this brother to minister comfort and peace. In Is. 61, He promises to bring beauty from ashes; isn't it great when He let's us be a part of that process?
Tony
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Praising Him for another day done
Don't you find, when you are sick or hurting, that you almost count the days? You know, for example, that the flu doesn't last forever. So, you count the hours, knowing that relief comes with time. In school they taught us that one of the most effective treatments in all of medicine is "tincture of time." Time alone will cure a lot of ills!
So today, no big events, unless you count a short walk down the street. Unless you count her fever breaking so that she did not have to be readmitted (this was a strong possibility last night at about 9-10 p.m. The magic number for re-admittance was 101.5; she got to 101.2). Unless you count no real nausea for the first time in 48 hours. Well, I'm counting all those things!!!
Yes, time is starting to mend Dee Dee's body from the insult of surgery. She is beginning to feel less sharp pain, and now has this more steady pain, less severe than yesterday. Yesterday the oxycodone narcotic pain meds didn't do a lot of good; today they are helping. These are great things!
She told me yesterday that if the full thoracotomy surgery, as originally proposed as likely to be necessary, actually did hurt a lot worse than this VATS surgery, then she would have opted to leave the tumor in there. My wife is pretty stoic, so I knew she was in a deep hole. Today she can see out of the hole. Thanks for praying.
Tony
So today, no big events, unless you count a short walk down the street. Unless you count her fever breaking so that she did not have to be readmitted (this was a strong possibility last night at about 9-10 p.m. The magic number for re-admittance was 101.5; she got to 101.2). Unless you count no real nausea for the first time in 48 hours. Well, I'm counting all those things!!!
Yes, time is starting to mend Dee Dee's body from the insult of surgery. She is beginning to feel less sharp pain, and now has this more steady pain, less severe than yesterday. Yesterday the oxycodone narcotic pain meds didn't do a lot of good; today they are helping. These are great things!
She told me yesterday that if the full thoracotomy surgery, as originally proposed as likely to be necessary, actually did hurt a lot worse than this VATS surgery, then she would have opted to leave the tumor in there. My wife is pretty stoic, so I knew she was in a deep hole. Today she can see out of the hole. Thanks for praying.
Tony
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Home now
Just a quick prayer request. I'm guessing that my dear bride came home too soon, because of concern for me and her children. Typical action of my servant-hearted wife, but she's in a lot more pain now that she cannot have the Toradol. Pray that this stage passes soon.
Thanks,
Tony
Thanks,
Tony
Going Home
We are waiting on the wheelchair folks to come and then we are headed home! Dee Dee had a tough time with pain and nausea from yesterday afternoon through the wee hours of the morning, but the nausea has greatly abated. She does have a fair bit of pain, but decided a couple of hours ago that she could rest in her own bed and deal with pain better than she could in the hospital bed. She will be on oxycodone for about a week, and can't drive until she finishes with that.
Thank you all for praying us through this. The doctors continue to be positive and encouraging, and we have a follow-up appointment with Dr. D'Amico's PA on 11/10/2006. We will probably hear about the pathology report sooner than that, at least we hope to!
In terms of visiting her at home, she is still weak and tired, so please hold off today (Tuesday). After that, maybe just call first, but I am sure she will enjoy (brief) visits. Thanks!
We are completely humbled and full of gratitude for the prayers and love of our family and friends during this. You are all loved and prayed for as well. Truly, we are of one body, and that has been evident to all during the past weeks. Thank you for your living testimony of God's grace and love.
Tony
Thank you all for praying us through this. The doctors continue to be positive and encouraging, and we have a follow-up appointment with Dr. D'Amico's PA on 11/10/2006. We will probably hear about the pathology report sooner than that, at least we hope to!
In terms of visiting her at home, she is still weak and tired, so please hold off today (Tuesday). After that, maybe just call first, but I am sure she will enjoy (brief) visits. Thanks!
We are completely humbled and full of gratitude for the prayers and love of our family and friends during this. You are all loved and prayed for as well. Truly, we are of one body, and that has been evident to all during the past weeks. Thank you for your living testimony of God's grace and love.
Tony
Monday, October 30, 2006
Late night Monday
After today's earlier posting, things got ...interesting here. The anesthesia finished wearing off, and the pain came hard. There was a delay in getting the Toradol on board, so she had a solid hour or so of real pain. Then, as the pain began to lessen, she began to develop pretty significant nausea. It seems that my super-healthy wife is too fit!
The PA said that she is so thin that her body cannot tolerate much in the way of anesthesia; and since she is not prone to drunkenness or recreational drugs, she is not as able to handle narcotics. So, the morphine, which is necessary to handle the pain, causes the nausea. We have decided that we evidently need to go out drinking and clubbing every couple of weeks, just for preventive health care!
This has slowed things a fair bit. She has not been able to eat anything except jello, and that didn't, er, stay. They warned us that she is going to wake up tomorrow convinced that something is very wrong, because the pain is going to be huge. However, in 50% of patients, they rapidly improve and by lunch time or so feel up to going home. That is certainly our prayer!
Other adventures? How about a nurse giving a heparin injection in her stomach to prevent clots, only to realize as she finished that the needle had separated from the syringe, so an unknown amount of medicine spilled onto her bed. Should we give more? How much? Unreal.
This was an important day, and a very good day overall. We are thankful for all God's mercy today, and pray that it soon fades into the rear-view mirror of our lives.... Thanks.
Tony
The PA said that she is so thin that her body cannot tolerate much in the way of anesthesia; and since she is not prone to drunkenness or recreational drugs, she is not as able to handle narcotics. So, the morphine, which is necessary to handle the pain, causes the nausea. We have decided that we evidently need to go out drinking and clubbing every couple of weeks, just for preventive health care!
This has slowed things a fair bit. She has not been able to eat anything except jello, and that didn't, er, stay. They warned us that she is going to wake up tomorrow convinced that something is very wrong, because the pain is going to be huge. However, in 50% of patients, they rapidly improve and by lunch time or so feel up to going home. That is certainly our prayer!
Other adventures? How about a nurse giving a heparin injection in her stomach to prevent clots, only to realize as she finished that the needle had separated from the syringe, so an unknown amount of medicine spilled onto her bed. Should we give more? How much? Unreal.
This was an important day, and a very good day overall. We are thankful for all God's mercy today, and pray that it soon fades into the rear-view mirror of our lives.... Thanks.
Tony
Chest tubes suck....
....the fluid out of your chest, but they sure do hurt! What that obviously means is that Dee Dee is out of surgery, and is now in her room (3303).
Lots of praises today! The surgeon was able to remove the entire node, which he felt might actually have been more of the thymus gland than node, so he also removed a portion of the thymus (Not sure yet if there are any implications long-term from this). He was able to do the surgery with the least invasive type of surgery, just two incisions and no rib spreading. There were no "roots" or attachments from the tumor to surrounding tissue. He said that it did not look like carcinoid at all, and in fact looked like it would prove to be benign and unrelated to the stomach cancer. ALL GREAT ANSWERS TO MANY PRAYERS - THANK YOU ALL!
They did leave in a chest tube, to drain any blood or other fluids from her chest. It will stay in at least until tomorrow morning. It does cause a fair amount of pain, because as the PA said, "You have nice pink healthy lungs, with no room in your chest for things like a tube." A combination of the tube and the surgery are currently causing a fair amount of pain. She felt much better during the 1-2 hours after the surgery, until all the anesthesia wore off. She bottomed out from the pain at about 1:00 p.m. They have her on high doses of Toradol (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory) and morphine, whaich have started to help. They continue to hope that she will be discharged tomorrow, but Wednesday is a possibility.
Last night was a great time to pray together as a family, then individually with each child. Micah, who has not shown tremendous emotions with this thing up until now, could not stop crying; when the dam broke for that little 6-year-old heart, it broke hard. Josiah was the only one who seemed to have no fear, and acted like this was just a big adventure. Even though we left at 5:00 a.m., all the others got up with us this morning to kiss Mom good-bye. A sweet time for us! Thank you all for lifting my kids up as well.
It will take about a week to get the pathology report from the tumor today. After that, we will have an appointment with the digestive oncologist at Duke to decide on how to treat the stomach. If the pathology report is negative, which again is what the surgeon today thinks it will be, then we can probably go with the surveillance approach for the stomach. Our God is amazing! As the coach of the football team in the current movie "Facing the Giants" asks his team near the end of the movie, "What can't our God do?!"
Folks, what can't our God do?
Tony
Lots of praises today! The surgeon was able to remove the entire node, which he felt might actually have been more of the thymus gland than node, so he also removed a portion of the thymus (Not sure yet if there are any implications long-term from this). He was able to do the surgery with the least invasive type of surgery, just two incisions and no rib spreading. There were no "roots" or attachments from the tumor to surrounding tissue. He said that it did not look like carcinoid at all, and in fact looked like it would prove to be benign and unrelated to the stomach cancer. ALL GREAT ANSWERS TO MANY PRAYERS - THANK YOU ALL!
They did leave in a chest tube, to drain any blood or other fluids from her chest. It will stay in at least until tomorrow morning. It does cause a fair amount of pain, because as the PA said, "You have nice pink healthy lungs, with no room in your chest for things like a tube." A combination of the tube and the surgery are currently causing a fair amount of pain. She felt much better during the 1-2 hours after the surgery, until all the anesthesia wore off. She bottomed out from the pain at about 1:00 p.m. They have her on high doses of Toradol (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory) and morphine, whaich have started to help. They continue to hope that she will be discharged tomorrow, but Wednesday is a possibility.
Last night was a great time to pray together as a family, then individually with each child. Micah, who has not shown tremendous emotions with this thing up until now, could not stop crying; when the dam broke for that little 6-year-old heart, it broke hard. Josiah was the only one who seemed to have no fear, and acted like this was just a big adventure. Even though we left at 5:00 a.m., all the others got up with us this morning to kiss Mom good-bye. A sweet time for us! Thank you all for lifting my kids up as well.
It will take about a week to get the pathology report from the tumor today. After that, we will have an appointment with the digestive oncologist at Duke to decide on how to treat the stomach. If the pathology report is negative, which again is what the surgeon today thinks it will be, then we can probably go with the surveillance approach for the stomach. Our God is amazing! As the coach of the football team in the current movie "Facing the Giants" asks his team near the end of the movie, "What can't our God do?!"
Folks, what can't our God do?
Tony
Sunday, October 29, 2006
"Twas the night before....
Hey everybody! Tomorrow is the big day, and it is with mixed emotions that it approaches. We are eager to have the surgery behind us, eager to have the lymph node out, eager to finally know the opponent we face... we are not looking forward to pain, to the hospital stay, to the finally knowing our opponent.
The surgery is scheduled for 7:00 a.m., and we have to be at the hospital at 5:30. It is a blessing to have the first surgical procedure of the day, for several reasons. It means less waiting time, where our minds drift "to the dark side," as my friend Dave put it. It means less likelihood of getting delayed, or even postponed. It increases the probability that Dee Dee will go home on Tuesday, just because it gives her a few more hours of recovery that day. The doctors say this surgery has a hospital stay of 1-3 days, but they believe that her excellent health and fitness will help her leave quickly. She cannot leave until the chest tube stops draining fluid, and until her pain is manageable by oral meds instead of IV meds.
The surgery is called a VATS procedure; a good web site is http://www.health.harvard.edu/fhg/diagnostics/thoracic/thoracic.shtml
Pray for the surgeons and anesthetists and nurses and PAs. Pray that the surgeon (D'Amico) is able to visualize the node, that it has no roots growing into surrounding tissue, and that it is small enough to remove without spreading ribs. Pray that her left lung re-inflates properly and quickly; and that her chest stops draining fluid quickly as well. Pray that her pain is minimal, and that they can do this with two incisions instead of three. Pray that the incisions heal well, with minimal scars.
Pray for us relationally as well. As the hour approaches, our tension has built, and neither of us is real friendly right now. There are short fuses in the Clark home, including the kiddos!
Many have offered help with logistics for home and children. Thank you! We are blown away by the outpouring of love and encouragement. One of the nice perks of living where you grew up is that we have family staying in the house while we are in the hospital, and after, so the child care is covered. Thanks to all who are helping taxi children to their classes and events. For meals, a great young lady at church has volunteered to coordinate this aspect. Her name is Christy Neal, and her phone # is 363-5441; email is nealcw@hotmail.com.
We cannot express our thankfulness and gratitude to you all. More, we cannot adequately express our thanks to God. We thank Him for being perfectly good, perfectly just, perfectly powerful, perfectly faithful. We thank Him for being a perfect Father. We thank Him for perfect mercy and grace. We thank Him for being Savior and God and King and Daddy!
One of our favorite worship groups to listen to is Indelible Grace. They take old hymns and make them new, and my favorite is "Whate'er My God Ordains Is Right" and some of its lyrics are:
1. Whate’er my God ordains is right
Holy His will abideth.
I will be still whate’er He does,
And follow where He guideth.
He is my God,
Though dark my road.
He holds me that I shall not fall
Wherefore to Him I leave it all.
4. What'er my God ordains is right,
Here shall my stand be taken.
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
Yet I am not forsaken.
My Father's care
Is round me there
He holds me that I shall not fall
And so to Him I leave it all.
And then, from one that our worship team chose to sing this morning, I suspect because someone wanted to see me cry and blubber so much that Micah was worried about his Daddy, "I Need Thee Every Hour":
2. I need Thee every hour,
in joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide,
or life is vain
I need Thee every hour,
teach me Thy will;
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill
(chorus) I need Thee, O I need Thee;
I need Thee every hour;
I need you Lord, O bless me now,
My Savior, I come to Thee.
We pray that He will teach us His will, and that we would truly leave it all to Him.
Thank you everyone, and I'll update tomorrow as I am able.
Tony
Thursday, October 26, 2006
A very long, very good day
Usually in a good story, the author doesn't give the ending until, well, the end. (Except in Pulp Fiction, or Reservoir Dogs, but that reference is probably just for a few, like Randy! I actually thought about naming each of the people we met with today Mr. White, Mr. Pink etc....) Well tonight, I'm giving the ending first. Today was a very good day! It was long, but there was nothing terribly painful or miserable about it, and the outcomes were better even than we had hoped.
We started at 10:30 a.m., and finished at 6:00 p.m. We actually spent 5 hours sitting in one exam room! We joked that for us lately, that might qualify as a date. (I then observed that the exam room door had a lock, but Dee Dee didn't think that was terribly funny.) Every 60-90 minutes someone else would come in and ask a bunch of questions, marvel that this young, fit woman had any serious health issues, and assure us that everything was going to be fine. We met with three docs before the end of the day. Dr. Garst was great; she just sat up on the exam table while we sat in the chairs, and talked. She was friendly, warm, and encouraging. She also said pretty quickly that she was the least important "doctor-piece" to the puzzle, because her specialty is lung cancer. She saw herself more as the facilitator/coordinator.
Dr. Garst then went and personally found a doc we had no appointment with whatsoever, but this was the doc that Garst felt would be the best one at Duke to help decide about the stomach, after the node has been dealt with. This was Dr. Johanna Bendell, a medical oncologist specializing in digestive cancer. She just stopped by to meet us, and couldn't really get into the medicine yet, but was also very engaging. Then (well, 60 minutes later) Dr. D'Amico's personal physician's assistant came in. He stayed for at least 45 minutes, and was fantastic. He connected with both of us, and you just felt a trust with him right away. Further in the conversation, he talked about his faith, and asked about ours! Every doc eventually picks up on the fact that we are in a medical profession; every Christian picks up on the fact that we are believers.
Here's where it starts to get medically great. Dr. D'Amico has invented a surgical technique that he is extremely confidant will allow him to get the entire node out with a much less invasive procedure. He will use a video-microscope and two small incisions (1-2 inches each) to get to the tumor. They will deflate her left lung for the surgery, re-inflating afterward. They will leave a drainage tube in her chest until it stops draining any fluid, about a day or so. She will be in the hospital for 1-3 days instead of 4-5 days with thoracotomy (the one we actually thought was the best option) or 2 weeks with the most serious approach. She will be on prescription pain meds for about a week, as opposed to a month the other way. He has done about 2500 of these surgeries, and feels almost certain this will work. Praise God! Finally, he is going to do this surgery at Duke on Monday, 10/30, which is much sooner than we had thought Duke's wheels would spin.
We still have some hurdles to clear. This whole thing is too big to finish all at once. That's the old metaphor, you can't eat an elephant at once, you have to eat a bite at a time. Today was a really good day for progress, for encouragement, and for basic good news. We still have to find out what the node actually is. We have to decide what to do about the stomach. Also, that was a second lesion lower in the chest, and we have to investigate that at some point. Today, they were not terribly worried about this smaller spot. We'll get to all those things, but for tonight we will sleep a bit better, and enjoy the good from today.
Thanks for praying today. "The prayers of a righteous man availeth much." We are grateful that the are hundreds of righteous men and women praying much, availing much, on our behalf. We are aware of people in Peru and Sweden, South Africa, Slovakia, and Germany, and all over the good ol' USA praying for us. Our prayer is that God would richly bless you as you walk this path with us. Thank you! Thank God!
Tony
We started at 10:30 a.m., and finished at 6:00 p.m. We actually spent 5 hours sitting in one exam room! We joked that for us lately, that might qualify as a date. (I then observed that the exam room door had a lock, but Dee Dee didn't think that was terribly funny.) Every 60-90 minutes someone else would come in and ask a bunch of questions, marvel that this young, fit woman had any serious health issues, and assure us that everything was going to be fine. We met with three docs before the end of the day. Dr. Garst was great; she just sat up on the exam table while we sat in the chairs, and talked. She was friendly, warm, and encouraging. She also said pretty quickly that she was the least important "doctor-piece" to the puzzle, because her specialty is lung cancer. She saw herself more as the facilitator/coordinator.
Dr. Garst then went and personally found a doc we had no appointment with whatsoever, but this was the doc that Garst felt would be the best one at Duke to help decide about the stomach, after the node has been dealt with. This was Dr. Johanna Bendell, a medical oncologist specializing in digestive cancer. She just stopped by to meet us, and couldn't really get into the medicine yet, but was also very engaging. Then (well, 60 minutes later) Dr. D'Amico's personal physician's assistant came in. He stayed for at least 45 minutes, and was fantastic. He connected with both of us, and you just felt a trust with him right away. Further in the conversation, he talked about his faith, and asked about ours! Every doc eventually picks up on the fact that we are in a medical profession; every Christian picks up on the fact that we are believers.
Here's where it starts to get medically great. Dr. D'Amico has invented a surgical technique that he is extremely confidant will allow him to get the entire node out with a much less invasive procedure. He will use a video-microscope and two small incisions (1-2 inches each) to get to the tumor. They will deflate her left lung for the surgery, re-inflating afterward. They will leave a drainage tube in her chest until it stops draining any fluid, about a day or so. She will be in the hospital for 1-3 days instead of 4-5 days with thoracotomy (the one we actually thought was the best option) or 2 weeks with the most serious approach. She will be on prescription pain meds for about a week, as opposed to a month the other way. He has done about 2500 of these surgeries, and feels almost certain this will work. Praise God! Finally, he is going to do this surgery at Duke on Monday, 10/30, which is much sooner than we had thought Duke's wheels would spin.
We still have some hurdles to clear. This whole thing is too big to finish all at once. That's the old metaphor, you can't eat an elephant at once, you have to eat a bite at a time. Today was a really good day for progress, for encouragement, and for basic good news. We still have to find out what the node actually is. We have to decide what to do about the stomach. Also, that was a second lesion lower in the chest, and we have to investigate that at some point. Today, they were not terribly worried about this smaller spot. We'll get to all those things, but for tonight we will sleep a bit better, and enjoy the good from today.
Thanks for praying today. "The prayers of a righteous man availeth much." We are grateful that the are hundreds of righteous men and women praying much, availing much, on our behalf. We are aware of people in Peru and Sweden, South Africa, Slovakia, and Germany, and all over the good ol' USA praying for us. Our prayer is that God would richly bless you as you walk this path with us. Thank you! Thank God!
Tony
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
For His Own Glory
I'm sorry that it has been a few days since the last post. Nothing has happened medically, and normal life has been pretty busy. However, with the time lapse, there's a lot on my mind, so this could spin into a long one (sorry Kim)!
Let's go medical first. If you remember, Dee Dee suffered a seizure in January this year. She awakened me at 4:30 in the morning with the seizure, and we spent the next two weeks getting her head scanned and tested in every imagineable way. Bottom line: no cause found, "pretend like it didn't happen." Well, I got to thinking that maybe this lymph node, because it presses against her phrenic nerve (the one that operates her left diaphragm, the muscle that makes your lungs work correctly), could it have initiated the seizure? I talked to her neurologist today, and he said that the lymph is almost certainly the cause of the seizure. However, my logic was off a bit; he thinks that because it is on the heart, it started an arrythmia that triggered the seizure. Either way, it is more evidence that the thing must be removed! Now, more than ever, we are opposed to the biopsy approach.
More medicine: we start tomorrow at 10:30 at Duke for (yet more) bloodwork. Then we meet with Dr. Jennifer Garst, the pulmonary oncologist. Here is where there is a huge praise! We have a friend at church who works at Duke Med. She knows Garst personally, and affirmed to us that she is a terrific doc, and a very nice person. Unfortunately, she is not a surgeon. She is a cancer doc, and maybe a biopsy doc. We were quite bummed, because that basically would have meant at least another week of waiting. Well, our friend told Garst our story, including Mayo's recommendation to skip the biopsy and just go straight to surgery. Garst responded with a recommendation on her favorite thoracic surgeon at Duke, and took it upon herself to get him to meet with us tomorrow as well. His name is Dr. Thomas D'Amico, and we meet with him whenever we finish with her. It may not seem like a huge deal, but I gotta tell you, for the Clarks right now there's not much that could have been better news. Our heartfelt thanks to Julia P. for helping us here! More, though, is our sincere thankfulness to God for orchestrating the daily events of our lives to accomplish his good purposes.
Last medical update for the day (hopefully many more tomorrow): I'd like to explain the surgery that was proposed at Mayo. If you take your left hand and make a fist, with the thumb pointing up, hold it in front of the middle of your chest. The fist is the heart, and the thumb is the aorta. Her node sits on top of the fist, leaned against the thumb. In front of the node is the phrenic nerve, that controls the diaphragm. To the right of the node (I think I'm correct here) is the nerve that controls her voice box. The danger of trying to biopsy is that one of those nerves could be accidentally damaged. So, the head thoracic surgeon at Mayo proposed to do a sugical procedure in which he makes a ~5 inch incision in her left side, probably breaks 2 ribs to gain access, and goes to the tumor that way. If he can adequately visualize the tumor/heart/aorta/nerves, he would remove the tumor in this fashion. This also would be dependant upon the tumor being "encapsulated" as opposed to a tumor that is "growing roots." If he cannot see well enough, or if it is rooted into the heart and aorta (like ivy growing on a wall), then he would change and make an ~8 inch incision in the center of her chest, saw through her sternum, and split open the ribcage to almost do open-heart surgery. The first surgery would hurt really badly for ~ 3 days, with hospitalization for 4-5 days. If he has to change gears, we are dramatically increasing the length of recovery.
Obviously we are praying for the least-invasive, lowest-risk surgery that will succeed. We pray that that docs at Duke agree with this approach, and that for a change the two sets of medical experts agree on the correct treatment. We pray that the lesser surgery will succeed. We already pray that her surgery would be without complication, that her life would be protected, her heart and aorta safe, and her nerves undamaged. We pray for a fast recovery, and that the pain would be less severe than they anticipate. We pray that we can do it at Duke, but if things just aren't "right" at Duke, we have decided that we would return to Mayo for the surgery. We pray that we leave Duke tomorrow with firm answers and dates.
Now on to non-medical. People have been graciously, wonderfully supportive in prayer, words, notes, and deeds since this started. We are blown away by the goodness and love of the body of Christ! One of the things that folks keep asking is, "I know how her health is, but how are you both doing otherwise?" I can honestly say that we are doing better than anything that makes good sense. I have yet to detect any anger or despair in either of us. There is no lack of faith; we are perfectly content to be in the center of His will and plan for our lives, and for our kids' lives. We are encouraged daily by His word, your prayers, and our love for one another. We are actually excited by the opportunity to parent our children through this time, because we know that it can be a time where God does amazing things in and for them, too. I told Caleb and Samara the other night that while Dee Dee and I don't want to "Waste her cancer" as Piper put it, our kids shouldn't waste their mom's cancer, either. This will be the seminal time in their adolescence that they will remember their parents actually living out their faith. For them, it may be the most visible time in which our faith was not just theoretical, but real. How great is it to be able to recognize that opportunity, not just have it lazily drift by? The heat of this moment forces us to recognize it, and for that we are thankful.
Don't get me wrong! There is certainly fear (of the surgery, of the pain, of the outcome, of all sorts of things); this is scary stuff. There are many sleepless nights; I haven't slept more than about 4 hours in a night since we found out she had cancer 6 weeks ago. There are more stress-related headaches than we usually have in a year. We wrestle with patience with our kids more, and I wrestle with patience with work issues more than usual. It is just that these things exist inside an over-arching awareness of the sovereignty of almighty God.
So why are we doing well? Why aren't we falling apart at the seams? How are we getting out of bed each day, instead of simply lying there holding each other? This is a living definition of faith. As Dee Dee told our small group Sunday night, faith is choosing to live as if the God of the Bible is real and His word is actually true, even when our emotions don't feel like it. When we do this, our hearts will follow our heads. What do our heads know to be true here? It is just this. God planned from before time that Dee Dee would have cancer in 2006 A.D. This has always been in His design for us, it is under His control, and it is not surprising Him nor stretching His ability to govern it. And because our Lord is also our Father, He loves us too much to let us get to this place unprepared! He not only planned the cancer, but He planned every event, every encounter, every relationship and conversation, even our childhood enjoyment of science which led to medical training, so that when we got here we would not drown. Not only will we get through it, we will triumph, because this is the God we serve.
Why is this so? FOR HIS OWN GLORY. Not for our own praise, but for His. Several have mentioned how amazed they are at our attitudes, or how proud they are of our strength. This is kind, and I thank you. I know the intent of the words, which is to encourage; it does! But remember, I will not boast in anything, save Christ at work in me. Trust me, Tony Clark is not man enough nor Christian warrior enough to handle Dee Dee having cancer and be anything but a babbling idiot. BUT, through Christ we are victorious; through Him we don't just get by, we excel. In Him we live, and move, and have our being. Not for our own glory, but for His.
This cancer was ordained by our Father for our good and His glory. And that is true, no matter the medical outcome from this whole thing. We pray that He will allow this cup to pass, that her health will be restored quickly, and that we soon we are looking back on this time as a closed chapter. But no matter what cup He has for us, we will drink deeply. To do otherwise would be to deny that He is good, to deny that His promises to perfectly love and to always do the best thing for His children are false, to call Him a liar. Our God is true, and trustworthy, and gracious to His chosen people. Never let us doubt the goodness of God!
Finally, I just wanted to mention one of the ways that God has sustained us. Exactly ten years ago our infant son was lying in a hospital bed, desperately ill. The medical team told us that he had about 24 hours before he would slip into a coma, and another 24-36 hours before he would die. He was the third patient in medical literature to have his specific diagnosis, and the first to recover. Today, our faith is strengthened every time we look at 10-year-old Gabe. He is healthy, and sweet, and kind, and bright. He is insightful, loves deeply, trusts God, and thinks the world of his siblings. He is funny, plays drums, is easily distracted, and hates clowns and pigs. In short, Gabe is your classic boy. Every time we look at him, we are confronted with living, breathing proof that our God is able to do whatever he chooses, whenever He chooses, however He chooses. How could I doubt this same God now? If I look at Dee Dee and begin to lose faith, all I have to do is look at Gabe and my heart rejoices.
So, thank you God for being miraculous. Thank you friends and family for being earnest and faithful in your prayers and support. We look forward to seeing the miracles that He works in this time, and to rejoicing with you as He does. I will update everyone tomorrow after we find out more.
Tony
Let's go medical first. If you remember, Dee Dee suffered a seizure in January this year. She awakened me at 4:30 in the morning with the seizure, and we spent the next two weeks getting her head scanned and tested in every imagineable way. Bottom line: no cause found, "pretend like it didn't happen." Well, I got to thinking that maybe this lymph node, because it presses against her phrenic nerve (the one that operates her left diaphragm, the muscle that makes your lungs work correctly), could it have initiated the seizure? I talked to her neurologist today, and he said that the lymph is almost certainly the cause of the seizure. However, my logic was off a bit; he thinks that because it is on the heart, it started an arrythmia that triggered the seizure. Either way, it is more evidence that the thing must be removed! Now, more than ever, we are opposed to the biopsy approach.
More medicine: we start tomorrow at 10:30 at Duke for (yet more) bloodwork. Then we meet with Dr. Jennifer Garst, the pulmonary oncologist. Here is where there is a huge praise! We have a friend at church who works at Duke Med. She knows Garst personally, and affirmed to us that she is a terrific doc, and a very nice person. Unfortunately, she is not a surgeon. She is a cancer doc, and maybe a biopsy doc. We were quite bummed, because that basically would have meant at least another week of waiting. Well, our friend told Garst our story, including Mayo's recommendation to skip the biopsy and just go straight to surgery. Garst responded with a recommendation on her favorite thoracic surgeon at Duke, and took it upon herself to get him to meet with us tomorrow as well. His name is Dr. Thomas D'Amico, and we meet with him whenever we finish with her. It may not seem like a huge deal, but I gotta tell you, for the Clarks right now there's not much that could have been better news. Our heartfelt thanks to Julia P. for helping us here! More, though, is our sincere thankfulness to God for orchestrating the daily events of our lives to accomplish his good purposes.
Last medical update for the day (hopefully many more tomorrow): I'd like to explain the surgery that was proposed at Mayo. If you take your left hand and make a fist, with the thumb pointing up, hold it in front of the middle of your chest. The fist is the heart, and the thumb is the aorta. Her node sits on top of the fist, leaned against the thumb. In front of the node is the phrenic nerve, that controls the diaphragm. To the right of the node (I think I'm correct here) is the nerve that controls her voice box. The danger of trying to biopsy is that one of those nerves could be accidentally damaged. So, the head thoracic surgeon at Mayo proposed to do a sugical procedure in which he makes a ~5 inch incision in her left side, probably breaks 2 ribs to gain access, and goes to the tumor that way. If he can adequately visualize the tumor/heart/aorta/nerves, he would remove the tumor in this fashion. This also would be dependant upon the tumor being "encapsulated" as opposed to a tumor that is "growing roots." If he cannot see well enough, or if it is rooted into the heart and aorta (like ivy growing on a wall), then he would change and make an ~8 inch incision in the center of her chest, saw through her sternum, and split open the ribcage to almost do open-heart surgery. The first surgery would hurt really badly for ~ 3 days, with hospitalization for 4-5 days. If he has to change gears, we are dramatically increasing the length of recovery.
Obviously we are praying for the least-invasive, lowest-risk surgery that will succeed. We pray that that docs at Duke agree with this approach, and that for a change the two sets of medical experts agree on the correct treatment. We pray that the lesser surgery will succeed. We already pray that her surgery would be without complication, that her life would be protected, her heart and aorta safe, and her nerves undamaged. We pray for a fast recovery, and that the pain would be less severe than they anticipate. We pray that we can do it at Duke, but if things just aren't "right" at Duke, we have decided that we would return to Mayo for the surgery. We pray that we leave Duke tomorrow with firm answers and dates.
Now on to non-medical. People have been graciously, wonderfully supportive in prayer, words, notes, and deeds since this started. We are blown away by the goodness and love of the body of Christ! One of the things that folks keep asking is, "I know how her health is, but how are you both doing otherwise?" I can honestly say that we are doing better than anything that makes good sense. I have yet to detect any anger or despair in either of us. There is no lack of faith; we are perfectly content to be in the center of His will and plan for our lives, and for our kids' lives. We are encouraged daily by His word, your prayers, and our love for one another. We are actually excited by the opportunity to parent our children through this time, because we know that it can be a time where God does amazing things in and for them, too. I told Caleb and Samara the other night that while Dee Dee and I don't want to "Waste her cancer" as Piper put it, our kids shouldn't waste their mom's cancer, either. This will be the seminal time in their adolescence that they will remember their parents actually living out their faith. For them, it may be the most visible time in which our faith was not just theoretical, but real. How great is it to be able to recognize that opportunity, not just have it lazily drift by? The heat of this moment forces us to recognize it, and for that we are thankful.
Don't get me wrong! There is certainly fear (of the surgery, of the pain, of the outcome, of all sorts of things); this is scary stuff. There are many sleepless nights; I haven't slept more than about 4 hours in a night since we found out she had cancer 6 weeks ago. There are more stress-related headaches than we usually have in a year. We wrestle with patience with our kids more, and I wrestle with patience with work issues more than usual. It is just that these things exist inside an over-arching awareness of the sovereignty of almighty God.
So why are we doing well? Why aren't we falling apart at the seams? How are we getting out of bed each day, instead of simply lying there holding each other? This is a living definition of faith. As Dee Dee told our small group Sunday night, faith is choosing to live as if the God of the Bible is real and His word is actually true, even when our emotions don't feel like it. When we do this, our hearts will follow our heads. What do our heads know to be true here? It is just this. God planned from before time that Dee Dee would have cancer in 2006 A.D. This has always been in His design for us, it is under His control, and it is not surprising Him nor stretching His ability to govern it. And because our Lord is also our Father, He loves us too much to let us get to this place unprepared! He not only planned the cancer, but He planned every event, every encounter, every relationship and conversation, even our childhood enjoyment of science which led to medical training, so that when we got here we would not drown. Not only will we get through it, we will triumph, because this is the God we serve.
Why is this so? FOR HIS OWN GLORY. Not for our own praise, but for His. Several have mentioned how amazed they are at our attitudes, or how proud they are of our strength. This is kind, and I thank you. I know the intent of the words, which is to encourage; it does! But remember, I will not boast in anything, save Christ at work in me. Trust me, Tony Clark is not man enough nor Christian warrior enough to handle Dee Dee having cancer and be anything but a babbling idiot. BUT, through Christ we are victorious; through Him we don't just get by, we excel. In Him we live, and move, and have our being. Not for our own glory, but for His.
This cancer was ordained by our Father for our good and His glory. And that is true, no matter the medical outcome from this whole thing. We pray that He will allow this cup to pass, that her health will be restored quickly, and that we soon we are looking back on this time as a closed chapter. But no matter what cup He has for us, we will drink deeply. To do otherwise would be to deny that He is good, to deny that His promises to perfectly love and to always do the best thing for His children are false, to call Him a liar. Our God is true, and trustworthy, and gracious to His chosen people. Never let us doubt the goodness of God!
Finally, I just wanted to mention one of the ways that God has sustained us. Exactly ten years ago our infant son was lying in a hospital bed, desperately ill. The medical team told us that he had about 24 hours before he would slip into a coma, and another 24-36 hours before he would die. He was the third patient in medical literature to have his specific diagnosis, and the first to recover. Today, our faith is strengthened every time we look at 10-year-old Gabe. He is healthy, and sweet, and kind, and bright. He is insightful, loves deeply, trusts God, and thinks the world of his siblings. He is funny, plays drums, is easily distracted, and hates clowns and pigs. In short, Gabe is your classic boy. Every time we look at him, we are confronted with living, breathing proof that our God is able to do whatever he chooses, whenever He chooses, however He chooses. How could I doubt this same God now? If I look at Dee Dee and begin to lose faith, all I have to do is look at Gabe and my heart rejoices.
So, thank you God for being miraculous. Thank you friends and family for being earnest and faithful in your prayers and support. We look forward to seeing the miracles that He works in this time, and to rejoicing with you as He does. I will update everyone tomorrow after we find out more.
Tony
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Coming home, many questions
We are in Minneapolis, just waiting until time to head for the airport now. We just had a long talk about the whole trip, trying to summarize things while they are still fresh, making sure we are together in our thoughts and feelings.
Sadly, we are coming home with more questions than we had before. The two centers are absolutely of different opinions on the stomach; Duke still wants to do the stomach surgery, and Mayo still says the stomach is safe. We don't know what the lymph node is. There is one radiology report that suggests that there is a second, smaller lesion about 6 inches lower than the big lymph, but we are not sure if that is just a poorly worded reference to the big lesion, or actually is a second lesion. It comes from the PET scan, but does not show up on the xray or CT; the big one shows on CT and octreatide, but not on PET.
The last time we talked to Duke, they still want to try to biopsy the node. The folks up here feel that would be a waste of time, and putting Dee Dee at risks that she does not need to undergo. Duke's point is that a biopsy carries less risk than surgery, less pain, and might allow her to skip the surgery altogether. Mayo's point is that the thing is too big to leave in there, no matter what it is, so skip the biopsy with its risks, and just get it out. All agree that it is most likely cancer, but until we get it under a microscope we will not know what type.
(By the way, as I write about my wife and cancer and surgery and risks, I still feel a lot like getting sick. It is a very schizophrenic feeling, letting the medical part of my brain relay facts, while all other parts of me want to scream and run around in circles!)
Emotionally, Dee Dee is very low. She is feeling some sense of failure and guilt because of not getting it done while here, allowing the questions to remain. She is flat out scared of the answers. Not in a weak, immature Christian way; more like a "I am not afraid to die, but I want to watch my children grow up, and I want them to be with me as they do; I don't want my husband to suffer through that now." I think that a big part of her hesitation at doing it here was the real possibility that she could have had a serious problem secondary to surgery here, and her children not able to come to her in time, and her husband going through it alone.
I keep assuring her that we made the right decision, and that it was not hers to make but mine. I still believe it was the right decision, and we will simply plan to get the answers to these questions back home. It will just take a bit longer. Pray for her mind and emotions as much as you do her health. Our adversary is working overtime on her mind right now. Pray that I am able to understand and empathize, to connect in the ways she needs me to connect.
Pray also that things could happen quickly at Duke, and that at least on the node they would be in agreement.
Thank you all for your encouraging words. We read them together often. Thank you for your physical aid as well. Thank you for praying; we know that we are covered in the prayers of our brothers and sisters, co-laborers in the Kingdom, joint heirs with Christ. We know that we are being prayed for by our great High Priest, who longs to intercede on our behalf. These are the things that are true, and praiseworthy, and commendable. Praise God for them, and for you.
Tony
Sadly, we are coming home with more questions than we had before. The two centers are absolutely of different opinions on the stomach; Duke still wants to do the stomach surgery, and Mayo still says the stomach is safe. We don't know what the lymph node is. There is one radiology report that suggests that there is a second, smaller lesion about 6 inches lower than the big lymph, but we are not sure if that is just a poorly worded reference to the big lesion, or actually is a second lesion. It comes from the PET scan, but does not show up on the xray or CT; the big one shows on CT and octreatide, but not on PET.
The last time we talked to Duke, they still want to try to biopsy the node. The folks up here feel that would be a waste of time, and putting Dee Dee at risks that she does not need to undergo. Duke's point is that a biopsy carries less risk than surgery, less pain, and might allow her to skip the surgery altogether. Mayo's point is that the thing is too big to leave in there, no matter what it is, so skip the biopsy with its risks, and just get it out. All agree that it is most likely cancer, but until we get it under a microscope we will not know what type.
(By the way, as I write about my wife and cancer and surgery and risks, I still feel a lot like getting sick. It is a very schizophrenic feeling, letting the medical part of my brain relay facts, while all other parts of me want to scream and run around in circles!)
Emotionally, Dee Dee is very low. She is feeling some sense of failure and guilt because of not getting it done while here, allowing the questions to remain. She is flat out scared of the answers. Not in a weak, immature Christian way; more like a "I am not afraid to die, but I want to watch my children grow up, and I want them to be with me as they do; I don't want my husband to suffer through that now." I think that a big part of her hesitation at doing it here was the real possibility that she could have had a serious problem secondary to surgery here, and her children not able to come to her in time, and her husband going through it alone.
I keep assuring her that we made the right decision, and that it was not hers to make but mine. I still believe it was the right decision, and we will simply plan to get the answers to these questions back home. It will just take a bit longer. Pray for her mind and emotions as much as you do her health. Our adversary is working overtime on her mind right now. Pray that I am able to understand and empathize, to connect in the ways she needs me to connect.
Pray also that things could happen quickly at Duke, and that at least on the node they would be in agreement.
Thank you all for your encouraging words. We read them together often. Thank you for your physical aid as well. Thank you for praying; we know that we are covered in the prayers of our brothers and sisters, co-laborers in the Kingdom, joint heirs with Christ. We know that we are being prayed for by our great High Priest, who longs to intercede on our behalf. These are the things that are true, and praiseworthy, and commendable. Praise God for them, and for you.
Tony
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Tuesday night
Hey folks. I don't really know how to write this one, because I am not really sure how to summarize today. First, some praises. Dee Dee definitely felt better today, and was able to get the octreatide scan done today. She thought of my brother during the scan, because Randy is fairly claustrophobic and this one lasted three hours, with her in a device that was inches from her face the whole time. The results basically confirmed....everything we already knew. She has stomach things and a lymph thing.
We met with the surgeons this afternoon. The stomach surgeon adamantly insists that the stomach tumors are not that big a deal. He wants to watch them every year, essentially forever, but that is all he wants to do.
I think we started to feel a little too happy, because when the chest surgeon came in his news was more than a little deflating. He looked at everything, and said, "That node is no good, and has to come out." He feels that it is as large as an egg. He discussed the possibilities, and while he felt that it was most likely carcinoid, it could be a lot of other things. On that list are breast cancer, lung cancer, and lymphatic cancer.
He wanted to do the surgery tomorrow. This would be a major surgery, with a lot of pain and a fair bit of risk, because it is in contact with two very important nerves (one to her vocal cords, one to her diaphragm, which controls breathing), and it is adjacent to her aorta and her heart. If it is cancerous, then it may be difficult to remove because it will be "attached" to everything it touches. She will be in the hospital for 3-5 days, with a lot of pain. She will have a drainage tube in her side, and until it stops draining she can't leave.
Because of the time of day, we had about 30 minutes to decide. We prayed, cried, and talked. Medically, it made sense to do it here. It is the fastest way to find out the answer; it guarantees that the same pathologist would look at both the stomach tumor slides and the lymph slides; we really liked the stomach guy here (Thompson); lots of reasons.
We decided to come home. If everything goes well, she preferred to have it done at home, where we have friends and family. More, though, we didn't prepare emotionally for major surgery. We didn't feel that we had adequately prepared our kids for Mom having that level of surgery. Bottom line, Dee Dee needed one more very special hug with her kids before a surgery that big. She told me she would follow my decision, but I could see in her eyes and hear in her voice that the thought of doing the surgery tomorrow was hurting her deeply. In the end, that was all I needed; we are coming home. We'll meet with the Duke surgeon next week on Thursday, and have surgery sometime after that.
So all the medicine here is done now. Our flight is not until Thursday, so we will try to fill the hours until then. There is not a lot of site-seeing to do here in beautiful Rochester, MN. We will continue to praise Him for His mercy, and His goodness. We will continue to trust Him as our Father who loves us perfectly. We will count the hours until we finally know what the node is all about. We pray that it might still be something other than cancer, and that she would not need more surgery or chemo/radiation. Thank you for your prayers and love over the past month (which, by the way, has actually lasted about 6-7 years), and especially these last few days.
Tony
We met with the surgeons this afternoon. The stomach surgeon adamantly insists that the stomach tumors are not that big a deal. He wants to watch them every year, essentially forever, but that is all he wants to do.
I think we started to feel a little too happy, because when the chest surgeon came in his news was more than a little deflating. He looked at everything, and said, "That node is no good, and has to come out." He feels that it is as large as an egg. He discussed the possibilities, and while he felt that it was most likely carcinoid, it could be a lot of other things. On that list are breast cancer, lung cancer, and lymphatic cancer.
He wanted to do the surgery tomorrow. This would be a major surgery, with a lot of pain and a fair bit of risk, because it is in contact with two very important nerves (one to her vocal cords, one to her diaphragm, which controls breathing), and it is adjacent to her aorta and her heart. If it is cancerous, then it may be difficult to remove because it will be "attached" to everything it touches. She will be in the hospital for 3-5 days, with a lot of pain. She will have a drainage tube in her side, and until it stops draining she can't leave.
Because of the time of day, we had about 30 minutes to decide. We prayed, cried, and talked. Medically, it made sense to do it here. It is the fastest way to find out the answer; it guarantees that the same pathologist would look at both the stomach tumor slides and the lymph slides; we really liked the stomach guy here (Thompson); lots of reasons.
We decided to come home. If everything goes well, she preferred to have it done at home, where we have friends and family. More, though, we didn't prepare emotionally for major surgery. We didn't feel that we had adequately prepared our kids for Mom having that level of surgery. Bottom line, Dee Dee needed one more very special hug with her kids before a surgery that big. She told me she would follow my decision, but I could see in her eyes and hear in her voice that the thought of doing the surgery tomorrow was hurting her deeply. In the end, that was all I needed; we are coming home. We'll meet with the Duke surgeon next week on Thursday, and have surgery sometime after that.
So all the medicine here is done now. Our flight is not until Thursday, so we will try to fill the hours until then. There is not a lot of site-seeing to do here in beautiful Rochester, MN. We will continue to praise Him for His mercy, and His goodness. We will continue to trust Him as our Father who loves us perfectly. We will count the hours until we finally know what the node is all about. We pray that it might still be something other than cancer, and that she would not need more surgery or chemo/radiation. Thank you for your prayers and love over the past month (which, by the way, has actually lasted about 6-7 years), and especially these last few days.
Tony
Monday, October 16, 2006
Pray tonight!
Just a quick note, please pray for her tonight. She is really pretty sick, and has been since this morning's procedure. She hasn't been able to eat, and just hurts. Lots of nausea. Minnesota may be a perfectly wonderful place, but right now we're not big fans.
She needs to not be sick for a few hours; she needs to not hurt; she needs to be able to sleep; and tomorrow she needs to be able to keep food down.
Also, she had to drink some fairly nasty medication tonight for tomorrow's test, and was unable to keep it down. Please pray that she is able to get the test done tomorrow despite that difficulty.
Thanks,
Tony
She needs to not be sick for a few hours; she needs to not hurt; she needs to be able to sleep; and tomorrow she needs to be able to keep food down.
Also, she had to drink some fairly nasty medication tonight for tomorrow's test, and was unable to keep it down. Please pray that she is able to get the test done tomorrow despite that difficulty.
Thanks,
Tony
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