Musings on Bruce Willis

Okay, I'm back! Bear with me for a moment as I make a bad analogy....If you saw the movie "Armageddon", which was roundly panned by critics, you will remember that Earth was about to be destroyed by a giant, angry asteroid. Enter Bruce Willis to try to save the day. As this knowledge became known, you may imagine the emotional hole that the citizens of this fine planet began to feel.

I bring this up because, while we have known that as this Mayo trip approached we would fall into some degree of emotional hole, we didn't really know when the "fall" would begin. We had hoped we would have a month, and that in the future it would be of shorter duration and more shallow depth with each passing trip to the clinic.

We did not get a full month.

The trip is in about 5 weeks (May 28th), and we realize now that we began the descent about 2 weeks ago. The general feeling of impending yuckiness, if not all-out misery, seems to have begun, and has really sapped our strength and joy for the last few days. Dee Dee has been feeling tired, short of patience, somewhat-to-very sick (colds, etc.), and we think it has a lot to do with the stress of the coming trip. I find myself thinking about the cancer more regularly than in the last few months.

One of the weird things about her cancer is the fact that we never will be "cured." We'll never say, "Dee Dee had cancer back in 2007, but has been in remission for 5 years." She is simply always going to have cancer. So we know, as we head to Mayo, that they are going to find cancer, again. [Barring, of course, a miracle from our God, who is certainly able to do exactly that!] We also know that the tests are pretty rotten. Each time that she has had this particular series of tests, she has gotten amazingly ill. The extreme nausea has lasted about 24 hours, with residual weakness and milder nausea another 12-18 hours. Obviously, we are not looking forward to the trip for those reasons.

The other reality that has struck me lately has been more sobering, at least to me. It is the realization that every single time we ever go for follow-up, the basic question being asked is, "Does Dee Dee get to live, or is she now dying from this cancer?" We have chosen not to do the surgery. We are very comfortable with that decision. We know that the likelihood of her cancer leaving the stomach are between <1% (Mayo's estimate), 1-2% (MD Anderson's), 1-5% (Johns Hopkins), and 15% (Duke's and Mt. Sinai's). We also recognize that if it ever leaves her stomach, it is too late to do the surgery, and at that moment we will realize that her clock is officially ticking. If it goes to small intestine, the clock shows ~15 years. If it goes to her liver, lungs or pancreas, the clock shows 3-4 years. No treatment. No surgery. No options.

When the cancer was first diagnosed, we had a two week window where we knew that all the tests being done were to determine if she were going to live or die from the cancer. What I did not realize is that we will go through that same ordeal, that same emotional battle, every six months. Because we know the crux of the question, the window this time is just longer. For the first time, I find that I am a bit concerned about her emotional/mental state as we go through years and years of that question being asked over and over. Not second-guessing the decision, but just a new wrinkle to pray about.

So, we begin again. I ask that you all begin to pray again, and I realize that many of you have never stopped. Thank you! Pray that we would have health, and peace, and patience with each other and our kids. This is tough enough on them, they sure don't need a crabby version of their folks making it harder. Pray that either the cancer would be gone, or at least reduced. Pray, certainly, that it has not spread. Pray that she would not get so sick this time. Pray that travel goes well.

By the way, Bruce Willis saves Earth by becoming a martyr and destroying the asteroid (which was the size of Texas!) What we need here is for God to bless science and medicine with medical devices to blow up the carcinoid, removing the threat and restoring peace and health (grin). I know, as far as analogies go, this is not one of my best. But, my brother Randy and I love the movie, so I knew at least he'd enjoy the reference.

It is amazing how many secular productions are based on a Christ-typology, isn't it? In Armageddon, sin=asteroid, earth=well, it equals earth and all it's inhabitants; and the only way to save it is through the sacrifice of a man. Please, now, don't yell at me for equating Bruce Willis with Jesus! I'm just pointing out that even screenwriters are influenced by Scripture, though they would probably deny it. Check out Armageddon if you haven't seen it, and you'll see what I mean. Same is true of Green Mile (innocent man takes on the sickness of others to resotre them to health), written originally by Stephen King. Same in Shawshank Redemption, also by Stephen King: innocent man, saves another after personal abuse and shame.
One caveat with these, by the way; they are rated R for language and violence, so be forewarned.

When did this become Ebert and Clark at the movies????? Am I supposed to ask you to save me an aisle seat or something like that??

Bless y'all!

Tony
Psalm 4:8

By the way, given the less frequent nature of the blog for the past few months, I'd love it if you could maybe email or talk to a few of your fellow readers to let them know the situation, and that I am cranking up the blog-o-matic again. Thanks!